School

I laugh when I look at this picture, not because it is unusual, but because it is so typical of Emily. There is rarely a dull moment when she's around. She is intense about everything. It's what drives me crazy and makes her so incredibly likable all at the same time.
She's been on my mind a lot recently, and God has been doing some really interesting things. I've known for a while that Emily has a prophetic gift. It's actually a bit disconcerting, because sometimes she says things that she has no capacity of understanding how significant they are to a particular situation, but they are very pertinent and important nonetheless. And she has a capacity to get to the crux of the matter and cut to the chase very quickly. Unfortunately, tact is something that she'll have to grow into. At first I thought perhaps this was only something passing, like the Lord was using her to speak to me for a specific period of time, but it has stuck, and there have been others who have seen this gift in her and pointed it out to me.
So rather than run scared of this gifting in her, I began to pray for her, that the Lord would increase her purity of heart, her integrity of character, and her gentleness, so that her gift of speaking into people's lives on behalf of the Lord would be well received, and that she would be able to bring great blessing rather than harm to others.
It has been very important to me to pray for my daughters, to seek the Lord as to how to raise them, and direct them, to prepare them for their calling, and to be a good steward of their giftedness. As the Lord has continued to confirm to me Grace's calling in dance, I kept asking Him for more direction for Emily. She loves art, should I get her more involved in that? I mean, Grace gets all this girly dance stuff, shouldn't Em have something fun too? So she and I are going to take an art class together and a hip hop class together for her PE credit. But I worried about it. Won't she feel left out, like she isn't getting to focus on something significant, somthing important to her? Will she be comparing herself to Grace and feel like there's something lacking? But He kept coming back to me with the same thing. "Teach her the Scriptures." So when Emily would come in early in the morning when I was trying to have my quiet time, instead of kicking her out, I would read Scripture with her and we would go through my prayer journal together until she got restless. I would pray for one thing and she would pray for the next. In her own way. When we were praying about Matt's promotion, she would say, "God, help Daddy to get to the next level at work." (WAY too much Wii.)
So all of this has been circling around in my head as I have been preparing the girls for Cyber School. The Lord told me this summer that I was to homeschool the girls. I really was not exactly super excited about it at first. The girls had a wonderful experience last year in public school, and I am just getting Sarah out of diapers and freedom is very enticing (I would have quiet time to write!!)...but not so fast He says.
I know that I am doing this partially because of the 7 weeks we'll be spending in Brazil. I also know that we are doing this so Grace can spend 6 hours a week in dance and still get to be with her family and not overwhelmed by the schedule. I know that the Lord is calling me to bond with my children in a special way during this time. And I know that it is very important that I disciple my children. All of these things are the reasons I KNOW He is asking me to do this. Perhaps there are more I do not see yet.
Today, He affirmed another reason. Em was sitting next to me in church because it was family Sunday and the kids were in with the grown ups. She had been coloring pretty pictures and writing I LOVE GOD all over them during the sermon. While we were waiting for everyone to receive Communion, she turns to me quite seriously and says, "Mom, when I grow up I want to be a Christian." (At this point I had to laugh because I have so deprogrammed my kids from church lingo I had to wonder if I had gone too far.) So I said, "Em, you don't have to be a grown up to be a Christian. A Christian is just someone who is a follower of Jesus. You already are a Christian." "Oh," she said, "Then when I grow up I want to be a teacher. Like that, (she was nodding at the Pastor), I want to teach the Bible." I turned to her very seriously and said, "Emily, I think it is very possible that is exactly what you will be when you grow up, and I will help you do it."
Then I turned away so she wouldn't see the tears.
And you know what else Emily doesn't have to deal with? The fear that it isn't OK because she's a girl. And I will use every opportunity I have to reassure her of her giftedness AND her calling. I am so privileged that I have been given the task at this point. as the Lord enables me, to teach her and prepare her.
"In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams." Acts 2:16-18

This is what we'll start with tomorrow, on our first day of school:
"14 But you must remain faithful to the things you have been taught. You know they are true, for you know you can trust those who taught you. 15 You have been taught the holy Scriptures from childhood, and they have given you the wisdom to receive the salvation that comes by trusting in Christ Jesus. 16 All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. 17 God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work."
II Timothy 3:14-17

Shepherdess

I can still lose myself

...in the folds of a rose

Girl and Cow(s)

The Queen Mother is having a Birthday!!

Happy Birthday from all the Princesses!

We Love You!

Memory

Photo by Bgrace

"The Holy Spirit is your memory."

It was the thought that came through to me as I was reading Andrew Murray this morning. I'm still reading Abide in Christ, one of his books that has steadily climbed its way to the "top shelf" of my bookcase. It's not difficult to understand, but is the type of book that is written to invite change not only to your thinking but to your very being as you take it in; as you eat of it's bread.

Reading each chapter is like sailing in a boat toward an island of paradise that stands visible in the distance, but still fuzzy. The more I read it, the closer it moves me to the island, the clearer I see paradise.

But today, this idea in his writings birthed another course in my spirit guided by the Holy Spirit. I've spent a good deal of time this morning going through the Scriptures, and seeing the truth of this thought imprinted in it's pages. It's something I want to write about more at length.

Yet it seemed to answer so beautifully my cry to the Lord that came through in my last post--about going back to my old journals--that I thought I must share with you briefly His response to my cry.

The Spirit of God is always in the process of sanctifying our memory.

He helps us to remember the circumstances of the past in the light of truth.

Truth that His Spirit alone can help us to discern.

He helps us to receive that truth in the sanctuary of grace. A place safe enough for us to face the truth because we know we will never experience His rejection. Safe because He gives us power to bear it. Safe because His grace is a place of cleansing and healing.

He helps us to remember the circumstances of the past, it's darkness and deaths, in the light of the resurrection, the sure hope of redemption. The Holy Spirit reminds us of God's words, God's promises, and God's faithfulness to them and to us. (II Tim. 2:11-13)

Holy Spirit, remember the past with me.

Enlighten me.

Give me clear vision to see it in truth.

Give me great grace to bear it's weight and grief.

Cleanse me from my shame, my doubts, my iniquities.

Redeem my confused choices and their repercussions.

Receive me in the comfort of your love and the promise of your grace to empower change.

Remove the stain of the sins of others upon me.

Render their false judgements and condemnations powerless against your light.

Demolish the dark spirits that have long warred against my soul with lies.

Heal me. Make me whole. Make me holy.

May I see the evidence of Your presence guiding, sustaining, and carrying me through the darkest of nights.

May all see the light of your truth, your grace, and your redemption in and through me.

Amen

Marching toward September

Atlantic City in March and it was sunny and mid-sixties. I should have been surprised, but I wasn't. Much about that weekend should have been surprising, instead I found they were just true. Right. Unreally real.

On Saturday morning I made my way to the beach which was mostly deserted, and wandered close to the edge of the waves. Layers of shells stacked upon each other by the tide entertained me as I searched for pretty treasures. Then right before me I saw it. I knew it had been waiting for me. The conch shell was bigger than my hands as they cupped around it. I turned it and traced my fingers along it's gray shades. It was perfectly whole. I closed my eyes and raised it to my ear. The sound from the center of it's curves matched the sound of the sea beside me.

I have never quite lost my childhood wonder in that God has packed the sound of the sea in a shell I could take home with me, so that whenever I wanted to remember, all I had to do was take it off the shelf, put it up to my ear, close my eyes and listen. The memory would return, my senses pulling me back to the shore.

I brushed the sand off my ear, returning to the present. Then as I sat surrounded by the rhythms of the sea, my heart opened itself to hear a Word about my experience. It became instead a Word about my journey. What are you saying Lord? It had been a long time since I had asked for an explanation, instead I asked for the grace of acceptance. So when the Lord began to explain things to me I felt surprised, then afraid, then full of wonder. I realized that what I was experiencing was very unusual. God never owes us an explanation. But for whatever reason, in His goodness, He gave me one. Over a period of two hours He helped me to see, to know, to understand, and made way for acceptance to come.

He alone can wrap the pain of the past in peace.

He alone can wrap the future in the hope of blessing.

It's time to write. That He has made clear. But I feel stuck. Picking up a shell is one thing. There I hear beautiful echoes longing for the sea. Rereading the journals I pulled out of the back corner of my attic is quite another. I opened the box, saw their covers, closed the box and stuffed it under my desk--my stomach turned inside out. I don't want to remember how bad it was. Why must I remember the darkness? I grieve for the girl who wrote those pages.

I know the answer. It is in the darkness that light shines brightest. I must write about that light. "Only speak love. Replace all else with forgiveness." These were His words to me.

Give me strength Lord. Give me words with power to bless and bring You glory.

Soon all of my dread and anxiety, my urge to escape to other things, my mixed motives and my self-defenses will curl up in quiet submission and I will rest in obedience and gratitude for this commission. He will bend me to His will as I lean into Him. Then we will float in a warm September ocean. The salt water stinging my wounds as it heals them. The gentle waves rocking my soul to stillness as He calls my core to purpose. Then we will write.

Maybe someday, you'll get to read it.

Today I Had Church

High Church

Bethlehem Chapel (Birth)

Joseph of Arimethea Chapel (Death)

Resurrection Chapel

Photos by Bgrace

National Cathedral

Washington D.C.

Feliz Aniversario, Mano

If Daren were with us it would have been a perfect night.