Anticipation

photo by bgrace

So this is the day--its always the longest day. It's the day before. And it's almost over. Well, technically now it is over, since it's just after midnight. But since I haven't gone to bed yet, it doesn't feel like the day of. For weeks before they get here I have this great little knack of just blowing it off. Ahh, no big deal. They're coming soon. The weeks will pass and sooner that I know it I'll be picking them up at the train station. But I have sooo many things going on between now and then...so I move my trained mind to focus on those things. But the week before I start to make plans, and then I get things all ready, I get the girls excited, and so I have to work extra hard not to get all excited. Why? I hate anticipation. It makes me nervous and it gives me that horribly unsatisfied feeling that just hangs over me and taunts me. I know, you'd think at my age I'd be over it, but I'm still the first one up on Christmas mornings. And I'm terrible at keeping gifts for people until their birthdays. I'm soooo impatient. And I hate knowing about a surprise that I don't know about. You know, like you know you're going to be surprised, but you don't know when, and so the anticipation just eats at you? I hate that. Either really surprise me or don't. But nothing in the middle. It just makes me crazy.

So when it's the day before I know that I'll see them all my artfully crafted busyness kind of withers away and all that is left is the anticipation, and yes, excitement of seeing them again.

It used to be worse. Remember before 9/11 when there were international terminals where all the people who were flying in from overseas would come out and everybody would be standing there waiting for them? I could never go and wait for my parents there without a tissue box. All those families and couples seeing each other after being apart for so long. There was just something about it that hit so many deep chords in my soul I would just stand there weeping with people I didn't even know because their reunions were so moving to me. I was a basket case long before I saw my parents arrive.

But now you can't really go wait for them like that because of all the security. And my parents travel pretty light now, so instead of picking them up at the airport we're going to pick them up at the train station 2 miles from my house. But I'm still excited.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new month, and promises to be packed full of adventure. Dad, Randy and I are headed up to Maine next week to climb Mt. Katahdin...something I've always wanted to do with my Dad. I can't wait! Well, I guess I can, but I won't like it.

Appointments, Part I

Painting of St. Marks United Methodist, Mount Joy

The past couple weeks have been so full it is hard to catch up with all that is going on. All the B girls are at home with me during the day now and I can't tell you how much fun we are having. We go to the park together, ride bikes, go to the pool, take walks, take pictures, go to the library, whatever sounds fun for the day. They are sleeping in now, so that means I can too! And they love to help me in the kitchen. I had them pick out some kids cook books from the library and each of them had to pick out a whole days worth of recipes, making sure they included food from each of the food groups. Then we made the recipes together.

Last week was Vacation Bible School Week. I decided to take them to St. Mark's United Methodist Church in Mount Joy. I did this because a few months ago, the worship Pastor and his wife were my customers at the Inn. They were the first people I served in my new job and there was just something really special about them. He had his arm in a cast, and she had just spent the day in the emergency room because some heavy equipment had fallen on her neck. I just felt a lot of tenderness toward them and ministered to them in any way I could. I won't go into all the details, but suffice it to say there are just encounters where God opens up doors and by the end of the evening we were exchanging e-mail addresses and had way more personal interaction than is usual in the formal setting of the Inn Restaurant. They told me about their VBS program and how, because of the high poverty level in Mount Joy, they offer a meal to everyone in the community free of charge before the program every evening. It also helps working parents who might struggle to have time to fix a meal for their kids after they get home and still make it to VBS on time. So, since I hadn't contacted this couple, and since my kids LOVE VBS, I decided we'd go. Well, I must say, the girls loved it, and I reconnected with Beryl, the Worship Pastor's wife. The people were so friendly at the church and you could just really sense God's presence there. I was really blessed. But what I fell in love with is the sanctuary. GORGEOUS stained glass. Very hard to describe how simple and yet elegant and beautiful. Not even the VBS decorations could detract from it all. I hung out in the sanctuary for most evenings because Sarah is a little shaky at these things, and so I had lots of time to think about things. "OK Lord," I prayed, "This church is perfect for me...Stained glass...oh and bells, the kind that actually work. They have an amazing kids program--on Wednesday nights they have a kids worship group called The Clap Team, where they teach the kids to worship. My girls would LOVE that. They have an excellent pre-school program for Sarah. They have a heart for needy people. I seem to have some deep connection with some of the people here--they are already asking me to sing with them. It's much closer to our house, there are a lot of guys Matt would like AND...the Methodists ordain women!!!!"

It was really weird what I was experiencing. I sensed that there truly was a reason He was connecting me to this church and these people, but at the same time, I didn't feel released from the church where I was at. Honestly I was feeling quite conflicted. So I've been spending some time praying through all of this. Last time I talked with Rev. Mary, she and I talked about some of the things that God has been showing me regarding the church I am at, why I am there and what some of God's purposes are. I have been confused lately because some of the things I have felt God was showing me would open up there have yet to take place. And God has very clearly showed me that I am not to try and help "make" them happen. Mary helped me to have some insight into some things, and told me that there were some divine appointments, and that the Lord at some point was going to ask me to speak to some people there. She cautioned me to test it out very carefully. None of that has yet to happen. But I understand that sometimes, people don't do their part, or things change for various reasons, and I'm OK with not knowing why. So I kept asking the Lord if I was done there, if I could go. And when I finally got a response back, it was so hilarious. I just sense such a draw to one place and yet such a firm hold from the other, in my frustration I said to the Lord, "You have to give me some clarity here, I can't be connected to two places at once!" And I felt the Lord laughing, and in that moment I knew that is exactly what He was saying. So finally I let go my exasperation and laughed and said, "OK, but you really are going to have to work out all the details and show me how each step of the way."

This morning, we are going to The Worship Center. The Pastor is going to be speaking on the Armor of God, and I know we are to be there for that. And that is always exciting. It keeps my ears perked when I know God is going to speak and He wants me to hear it.

There is another appointment in the works...I already know He is asking me to get copies of the sermons for someone else. It's so wonderful to be in the service of the King and to be going about His business. And when He finally opens our eyes to what He has been up to...it brings such a sense of fulfillment, and an understanding of His purposes and how valuable and meaningful our lives really are to Him...but I'll tell you more about that appointment later. I need to get 4 girls ready for church!

Daddy and the B Girls

Happy Father's Day

...from all of us

In Season

Rhubarb

by Bgrace

In Season. This was the "word" I got a couple weeks ago when I was preparing to go about all the usual preserving of the harvest. Hmmmmm. Doesn't really make sense. I mean, especially now that I'm going to be eating mostly fruits and vegetables. But the Lord is so creative in His lessons. By now I know that He is not just giving me direction about physical food. It's a natural lesson that has spiritual applications and implications. But I'm not sure what it all means yet.

So I'm pondering the words. What does "in season" mean? Well, today it means that when my rhubarb has long, wide, bright pink stalks and vibrant green leaves, it's time for eatin'!

It's ripe, it's ready, and if I don't eat it now, it will go to waste. I will lose out on a wonderful opportunity.

This week at Roots, the girls and I were almost done our shopping and the girls and I stopped by the ice cream stand so I could get them a kids cone. The ice cream stand is right by the apple farm stand and I had mentioned to the girls I really wanted to get some apples. I only had a little cash left over--and realized that I wouldn't have enough to buy them each an ice cream cone and enough apples to make something with. I asked the gentleman at the apple stand if he would take less for his apples and he said no. I tried my best Mommy excitement and said, "Girls, wouldn't you rather have some apples than ice cream?" Sarah and Emily started jumping up and down yelling, "Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!" So I resigned with a smile and turned to the girls to ask if they all wanted ice cream.

I was surprised when Grace shook her head no. I asked her, "Are you sure?" And she nodded. I thought maybe she was full, because she had eaten a pretzel. But she held her resolved even after the other two had their cones. I counted my change, and realized that I had enough with the extra 75 cents to get a small basket of apples. I was so excited. The man at the stand even threw an extra one in. (Probably felt guilty.)

I looked at Grace and said, "Thank you so much honey, because of that extra money I was able to buy the apples I really wanted." She smiled and said, "I know. I didn't get ice cream because I wanted you to be able to buy apples."

I gave her a great big hug, much more blessed by her unselfishness than even the apples.

So this morning, I revised a recipe to fit my new diet. It was a recipe for apple-rhubarb pandowdy. I peeled and cut up the apples, picked my rhubarb (it was so pretty I had to take a picture), cut the rhubarb into 1/2 in. pieces, added cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, allspice, 2 T of wholewheat flour, 1/2 cup of maple syrup, and mixed it all together. I put it in a baking dish and topped it with sliced almonds (instead of a crust.) I baked it at 400 for 35 min.

Grace looked at it excitedly and asked, "Mom, can I have some?"

OF COURSE, Grace, I would love to share it with you. (That is if Sarah doesn't eat it all first.)

It was so good.

In season...enjoy the harvest at its peak, relish the blessings of the present.

My food

Photo by Bgrace

"Then, leaving her water jar, the woman went back to the town and said to the people, "Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?" They came out of the town and made their way toward him. Meanwhile his disciples urged him, "Rabbi, eat something." But he said to them, "I have food to eat that you know nothing about." Then his disciples said to each other, "Could someone have brought him food?" "My food," said Jesus, "is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. Do you not say, 'Four months more and then the harvest'? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest."
John 4:28-35

The longer I look at this passage, the more I realize that Jesus probably had time to eat some bread if he had wanted to.
The woman at the well , having just had a very moving conversation with Jesus, had gone back to call her townspeople. The disciples watched her leave, astonished that Jesus was talking to a woman, but decided to address the most pressing issue at hand. "Rabbi, eat something."
Jesus was tired out from His journey. So while the disciples went to the city to buy food, He had rested by Jacob's well. They knew He was hungry. The people of the town were making their way to Him. He could have broken a big piece of the loaf off and downed it with some water quickly. You know, so He would have extra energy to minister to the whole bunch who were coming.
But instead, He says, "I have food." "Food you know nothing about."
I must admit, reading this passage helps me to identify with the disciples and their confusion and frustration at Jesus' unexpected responses. They never seem to know if He is speaking literally or symbolically...and really they're just trying to do their job. But as Jesus is known to do, after He has just ministered to a woman, right before He begins to minister to a townful of people, He pauses to teach them about the deeper significance of what is going on. He gives them an eternal perspective in a temporal setting. And He tells them about how to be empowered in it.
Human wisdom would say, "Eat, get strong so you can do the work." Jesus says, "This is a different harvest, leave space in your body for a different kind of food." It's not that He doesn't have time to eat. It's that He is staying empty to make room to be filled to do Spirit work.

In the last few months I've come a long way in my journey with food. Well, it goes back farther than that. Four years ago I had a very interesting "conversation" with the Lord about food. But I didn't understand it. It was about the time the Lord had told me to quit seminary. I went through this really interesting experience where the Lord kept leading me to all my favorite foods over the course of a few days. Then one day, we were having some friends over for a Brazilian churrasco (BBQ) and the Lord told me, "Only vegetables." Now, you have to understand that a Brazilian churrasco is all about the meat. Especially steak. So it was a little awkward to explain to my friends that I was only having vegetables for a steak dinner. You have no idea how much I love to eat Brazilian steak. But I obeyed and ate an assortment of grilled vegetables, and to my surprise, found that they were delicious and I was actually satisfied. Here's the funny thing. The Lord told me I could have wine and chocolate for dessert. I remembered that I had some gourmet dark chocolate that a friend had given me and I relished every bite along with some delicious sweet wine.
After that night I never really had any real clarity about my eating for a long time. I was pregnant and sick all the time. And then I really didn't have to worry much about my eating because internally I was such a mess that food just went right through me. But over the last year things have changed. I experienced a lot of healing and found a lot of blessing and enjoyment in food. I started to enjoy cooking again, and found a lot of pleasure in ministering to others with food as well.
But I also started to learn fasting. Fasting isn't really something you can just know about. To understand it, you have to engage in it. There is a big difference between dieting and fasting. With dieting, you're basically trying to feel as full as you can eating as few calories as possible. With fasting, you are actually welcoming the feeling of emptiness.
My ability to fast has grown. At first I was only able to fast completely from food for 24 hours. Then I was able to increase it to 36 hours. Then I found that I could do a 36 hour fast, eat one meal, and do another 36 hours. Eventually I increased to 48 and then 72 hours. But the month of June I felt was different for me. The Lord has been doing some really amazing things in my life spiritually, and I had an expectation of this and sensed He was leading me to empty myself for a time of receiving. So I decided I would abstain from meat and wine for this month, and then do more as I felt led. The first week I woke up one morning and felt led to do a complete fast (only water). It turned out I had an unexpected and very important time with Mary. I realized the Lord prepared me for that. For the last 10 days I have been on a different kind of fast. I decided to do a 10 day prayer fast with a friend. I have only been drinking water and eating vegetables. (Fortunately melons are technically a vegetable.) But during this time the Lord has been speaking to me and asking something more of me. I had been reading about the Daniel fast--which interprets Daniel's diet to include vegetables, fruit, nuts, unprocessed whole grains (no yeast), and vegetable oils. He brought me back to His words to me from 4 years ago. "Only vegetables." And as the realization dawned on me that He was asking me to make this long term, everything in me recoiled. "No surf or turf, no cheese, no cookies, no bread????? Seriously? For how long?" And there was just quiet. "Hmmmm...You're not telling me how long, are you?" I said to myself, "How will I ever feel full? No matter how much fruit and vegetables I eat I never really feel full." And that's when it all clicked. It's about NOT feeling full. It's about a constant sense of emptiness, a giving up of a physical blessing in order to turn my eyes heavenward to receive spiritual food.
It has taken me a few days. At first I saw it and didn't think I could bend my will to submit. But God is so gracious in helping us to desire what He desires if we open ourselves up to it. And now I'm praying for the grace to actually follow through as long as He asks. (I'm going to plan on at least through September.) I'm not following the Daniel fast exactly, per say. For the most part, my diet will be mainly fruits and vegetables, legumes, nuts and a few grains like oats and brown rice. But I'm allowing myself natural maple syrup (and eventually maybe honey) as a sweetener. And the Lord keeps telling me I can have wine and chocolate. So that's a special gift.
I thought about starting it at the beginning of July. You know, so I could get a few pizzas and cookies in before the end of the month. But when I searched my heart I realized I didn't want to. I wanted the spiritual blessings more. So tonight we'll break our fast with unleavened whole wheat crackers for communion and a fruit, nut, and dark chocolate fondue to celebrate. But I'm going forward in what the Lord is asking of me, not backward. And then in July I'll celebrate with wine!! Though I realize that I can't possibly drink more than one glass of wine at a time without becoming a lush because I'll be fairly empty!
So I guess my point, after all this, is to say that Jesus didn't always abstain from eating. But there were particular times when He abstained because He needed OTHER food. A different kind of food for an important call.
Finally, the Lord woke me up two days ago from a dream. It was interesting: I was at Cedarville and I was on a tour of their Theology School. There were two degrees I could take because I was a woman. One was the "pastor's wife" degree and the other was the "single missionary" degree. Their idea of the perfect Godly woman. And I went to the help desk and asked the man there, "So, just to clarify, you don't allow women in your seminary, do you?" And he shook his head and said, "No." And I went to argue with him about it, and then I had an aha moment in my dream. Why would I argue with him to let me in his seminary? I don't belong there.
I awoke with a start. And I asked the Lord if He was speaking to me. At first I really wondered if the Lord was telling me to go back to Seminary. Which of course I would love, except this is just not good timing. I'm praying about doing cyberschool with the girls next year, and we are going to be doing a lot of traveling, we have other plans for our finances...
I thought and prayed about it, and Daniel came to mind. How when he fasted the Lord gave knowledge, skill, wisdom, and insight into visions and dreams. And I realized that in some way the Lord was making a connection for me. I have understood for a while that the reason the Lord took me out of Seminary is that He had a different kind of school for me. And I understand that this is a special time. He wants to teach me. And He is showing me my part. Right now, my food is of a different kind.
And somehow, I feel strangely...satisfied.

Prayer Closet

Chair from Pottery Barn Outlet...$50.00

Sheep skin rug for kneeling...$69.00

Covering...$29.99

Door lock...$7.39

Quiet place to pray...priceless.

/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*

I've been learning about space.

Like how a sparsely decorated, small, dedicated physical space can become a sacred place.

In the very real spiritual realm, it can become a throne room full of wonderful treasures.

A place that extends far beyond the walls that confine it physically to touch people and places and situations that would otherwise be worlds away.

Drawing us in and extending us out.

Into God's presence and out through His power.

"In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and take you to myself, so that where I am there you may be also."

What if He's waiting for you now?

The Way In (John 14)

Way In by Bgrace

In my Father's House there are many dwelling places.

In my Father's House there are many sanctuaries.

Prepared by Christ.

Where He is.

We may be there with Him.

A sanctuary for Americans, Brazilians, Africans, Israelites, Chinese, Indians, Germans...Catholics, Jews, Protestants, Hindus, Muslims, Atheists...

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me."

You know the way.

Did you know His name is Jesus?

The Dome of the Rock

Photo from www.sacred-destinations.com by Torie Partridge

The Dome of the Rock is a shrine built over the sacred rock that was considered holy before the arrival of Islam. Jews believed, and still believe, the rock to be the very place where Abraham prepared to sacrifice Isaac. In addition, the Dome of the Rock is believed by many to stand directly over the site of the Holy of Holies of both Solomon's Temple and Herod's Temple.

It is a beautiful Muslim building that was erected so that it could compete with the majestic churches of Christendom and would be a symbolic statement to both Jews and Christians of the superiority of the new faith of Islam. The building spoke to Jews by its location, to Christians by its interior decoration.

Much of the inscription on the inner side of the octagonal arcade exhorts Christians to depart from error of the Trinity and recognize the truth of Islam:
"O People of the Book! Do not exaggerate in your religion nor utter aught concerning God save the truth. The Messiah, Jesus son of Mary, was only a Messenger of God, and His Word which He conveyed unto Mary, and a spirit from Him. So believe in God and His messengers, and say not 'Three' - Cease! (it is) better for you! - God is only One God. Far be it removed from His transcendent majesty that He should have a son. ... Whoso disbelieveth the revelations of God (will find that) lo! God is swift at reckoning!" (from www. sacred-destinations.com)

It's a beautiful shrine.

Built out of great faith.

Forboding in its presence.

Intimidating in its challenge.

But it doesn't change the truth,

And it doesn't change the lie.

It doesn't change the true sacredness of the place beneath the lies built over it.

The truth of history, of God's words, intentions, and purposes.

They can say what wasn't was and what was wasn't,

They can cover over the Sanctuary, the place of the Holy of Holies.

But they can't cover over it's power.

It's power isn't in the ground.

It's power is in the truth.

It's power is in God.

It's power is in the risen Christ.