Boot Camp

Joan the Maid

Photo by Bgrace

But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also [utensils] of wood and earthenware, and some for honorable and noble [use] and some for menial and ignoble [use].
So whoever cleanses himself [from what is ignoble and unclean, who separates himself from contact with contaminating and corrupting influences] will [then himself] be a vessel set apart and useful for honorable and noble purposes, consecrated and profitable to the Master, fit and ready for any good work. (II Timothy 2:20-21)

God's been working on me for a while in a particular way, and these past few weeks He's really been tightening the screws. Sometimes that means He's been saying stuff all along, but I haven't taken it quite as seriously as He might mean it. Or sometimes that means that He's bringing me along at just the right pace--which usually means stretching me just up to the breaking point.

For a while He's been teaching me about what it means to be set apart, consecrated, sanctified. And usually when God works on me, He does it on every level. For example, I've been really working through what it means to subdue the flesh. On a physical level, there are a few specific things the Lord has asked of me. No coffee. Exercise--specifically cardio. And drinking water. People ask me why. Well, some of the reasons for me are obvious. Coffee really affects me because the acid exacerbates my reflux problem. Which wouldn't stop me from drinking it, but God has clearly said no to me for a while. I went to decaf, and then only one cup a day, and God was patient with me, but finally, He just made it clear....no more. And really the only reason I can come up with is simply obedience. You have to understand--I LOVE my coffee. Then came the whole exercise thing. You know, I don't mind exercising...but the only time I can do it without really inconveniencing my family is at 5:50 AM. And I HATE getting up that early. Especially in the cold. But God's really letting me know this is what He wants from me. I know I need to get in shape to climb Mt. Katadin, and I know it helps keep me from having to buy a new wardrobe, but still, I know this is purely about obedience. Now the water thing...I don't like to drink water unless I'm thirsty. Really thirsty. I'll drink tea, juice, wine, whatever...and its so funny because I know this is something God is asking me to make a practice of, and I was really not doing well, so finally I asked Him, "How much water do you want me to drink?" Very clearly and immediately He said, "Six cups." (Well, its better than 8.) Again, I know all these things are good for me. But to be consistent in them requires discipline, and it also requires me to subdue the flesh.

Which is soooooooooo painful.

Now the latest is that God is really impressing on me that I'm not to be putting stuff in my body that isn't helpful. It's not a diet. It's about doing only what is good for my body and not intentionally doing anything harmful. Or even benign. Now, I'm not going overboard legalistic on this, I'm trying to ask God to help me make the everyday choices, but its still hard. It is so easy to rationalize. I'm realizing how weak my flesh is.

And what I've found is this...I do just fine until something hard comes along. Like having a really hard day when Sarah got hurt. It's so funny how quickly I want to comfort myself with all the things that aren't good for me. Immediately I say, well, my day was so hard I deserve a chocolate truffle. Even though I know that will exacerbate my reflux and so technically will make me feel physically worse.

This is just the physical level. God has asked me to cut out the things I bring into my life that cause me to get sidetracked mentally, emotionally, and spiritually also. Like not really even turning the TV on unless there is something specific that He leads me to watch. Don't even get me started on movies...(trust me, there aren't a lot of chick flicks on His list). He's even convicted me about being on the computer unless He's released me to be on it and where at that.

Oh my goodness, I feel like I have become my worst college nightmare! (Although He hasn't told me to not drink wine yet.) Except, though its really hard, because I feel like He's asking me to take so much out of my life and shut down so much that was coming in, it's not a nightmare. Because I understand that He's emptying me. He's emptying me of self. He's asking me to subdue the flesh and nourish my inner and outer being. And I know that because He is doing the work in me, giving me the strength to slowly change.

I recognize the lessons that I am learning and the ways that I am growing spiritually along the same lines. There is much He is asking me to abstain from, to wait on, to let go of, and to entrust. There are many ways He is calling me to change and to grow. And all of this is very painful. But very purifying. It is in emptying that we create a space for Him to fill.

Sometimes it almost feels like to much...its so hard to walk all of this at one time. Last night I was feeling a bit desperate to understand why it was necessary to go through so much refining in so many ways all at once, and I fell asleep asking for night school. Sarah woke up at 2 AM and I got up to take care of her, and as I made my way back to bed, I thought with some disappointment that God hadn't really showed me anything. Then I started to remember what I was dreaming about, and I realized I'd been dreaming about the movie GI Jane. A picture of Demi Moore with a crew cut flashed into my mind. I kind of shook my head and laughed and thought, "What does that have to do with anything?" Then God spoke into my mind and He said, "boot camp." And suddenly it just kind of made sense. This is a time of consecration, of preparation, of necessary training for what's next. (Joshua 3 is an interesting example of this.)

The passage in II Timothy is one I've been reading daily for the past week or so. I know that I still haven't gleaned from it all that the Lord is saying to me. But I know this, if God is going to offer me something noble to do in the Heavenly Kingdom, than I want that more than I want chocolate truffles, chick flicks, to surf the net, or sleep in. And I'm willing to drink water, and strengthen my body and my spirit with the things that He is asking of me because He knows what I need in order to be prepared.

The consistency is the hard part. And I've got a long way to go. That is where He comes in. I know that He is the only one who can make this a lasting change and sustain His work in me.

I trust that He will do it, as I yield myself one piece at a time, and eventually wholly to Him.