Divided Loyalties

Branches

Photo by Bgrace

Allegiance is an interesting concept. It can be confusing at times. Especially when our various allegiances begin to cross lines. I think I get this more than some. I grew up as an American citizen in a foreign country. I also have Brazilian citizenship. Yep. You can be a citizen of more than one country at a time, depending on the laws of the countries in question. Because my mother was born on Brazilian soil, all of her children, and their descendants, have a right to Brazilian citizenship. So...I'm a citizen of two countries.

I remember being a teenager watching the Olympics on TV in Brazil. Whenever the US Basketball teams played, I always wanted the US to win, even if they were playing Brazil. My Dad and I used to watch hours of basketball together: college, professional. I was a huge Jordan fan (who wasn't?) and my loyalties developed naturally. I knew those guys. They were my team. But when the soccer teams were playing, there was no question about wanting Brazil to win. (Of course it might have had something to do with them being the best soccer players in the world.) These guys were also household names for us. My deeper loyalty was to them.

One thing they say about a lot of kids who grow up in a third culture--in other words their family is of a different culture/nationality than the country/culture they live in--is that many of them go through a severe identity crisis. They don't really know who they are or where they belong. They are a mixture or combination of both cultures and have trouble finding their identity in either.

This was certainly true for me. And in my early twenties I truly didn't know who I was. I realized that I had based my identity on a picture that I thought my life should look like, and my life didn't look like that. And I didn't know who I wanted to be. I didn't know where I belonged and no place felt like home. This time, though a great struggle, was such an important discovery process for me. It led me to the realization that the deepest truth about me (who I am) is I am child of God. He created and raised me and prepared for something unique. The only way I would be able to live that out would be in relationship with Him.

I had a dream a few days ago. It's the kind I pay attention to. I listen to. I ask, "What are You saying God?" What came very poignantly to me was this sense of divided loyalty. Being pulled and torn between allegiances that don't seem to cross well. Of course the easy answer would be to choose, right? But what if, for whatever reason, it doesn't seem like an option, or at least not a good one?Like between two friends, or a spouse and a friend, or between churches, or things that you love?

To be honest, sometimes I think we make decisions about these things a bit too quickly. We often choose the path of least resistance just because it is the path of least resistance.

I wonder...how often do we consult God about it? How often do we make choices based on our loyalty to those closest to us rather than out of obedience to God? And how often, if He asks us to, are we willing to stay in the tension? The tension of earthly relationships.

There is a way to remain above the internal tension that often results. Amiel says it most simply, "To will what God wills brings peace."

Our loyalty is only rightly given when it is given first to God. We are to then place our loyalties in submission to Him to what and whom He calls us. And in the way He calls us to be loyal. Which is most often a loyalty that draws others to a loyalty that is also first to Him. It is the only way to be grounded. It is the only way to keep ourselves fully in the flow of His will and not the divided wills of those who cross our path.