growing home

Her name is Pain.

I see her in the window

Looking out from my eyes.

She is my friend.

We travel through the countryside

Rolling down these tracks

Passing happy strangers by

With light loads on their backs.

She's like the rain.

Forming droplets on the glass

Bringing gray and glooming skies

Growing flowers, raising grass.

We're on our way somewhere.

A place I've yet to know.

I haven't ever been there,

But it feels a lot like home.

Aisle 5

Shapes in Water

Photo by Bgrace

It happened in front of the Miracle Whip.

Which seems appropriate.

I had gone to the grocery store to get Gatorade for Matt. I got to the parking lot and you're not going to believe this...OK, maybe you are...but I forgot my purse. So I had to go back home, get my purse, and work quickly through my list. It was double $1.00 coupon week at Giant, and there's this expensive whole mustard that is great to cook with that I never buy because it's over $3.00 for a little jar. But it was on sale and I had a coupon that would double, so I knew I could get it really cheap.

So I was getting mustard, and he was looking down at his grocery list in front of the mayo.

It was bound to happen. I mean, we live in the same town and all. It used to happen often. Back then it just didn't really register on my mental radar because I used to talk to him everyday anyway. But the thing is...it hasn't happened, not in a long time. Today, though, it was right. Like it was supposed to happen. And there was peace and so much goodwill, and trust. Not manufactured. Just there. An opening from above. It was as if we hadn't even missed a beat. Two old friends that can talk about important stuff whether it's been a day or a year.

As I turned to finish my grocery shopping, after an hour in front of the Miracle Whip in a crowded grocery store on a Saturday afternoon, I realized that God had answered a prayer of mine. Maybe one of his too. I felt a beautifully clean, warm contentedness washing its way through my spirit. It was a feeling I recognized...it felt like home.

Thank you, Lord...for letting me visit.

Belief

Opening

Photo by Bgrace

So Jesus came again to Cana of Galilee, where He had turned the water into wine. And there was a certain royal official whose son was lying ill in Capernaum. Having heard that Jesus had come back from Judea into Galilee, he went away to meet Him and began to beg Him to come down and cure his son, for he was lying at the point of death.
Then Jesus said to him, "Unless you see signs and miracles happen, you [people] never will believe (trust, have faith) at all."

The king's officer pleaded with Him, "Sir, do come down at once before my little child is dead!"
Jesus answered him, "Go in peace; your son will live!"

And the man put his trust in what Jesus said and started home. But even as he was on the road going down, his servants met him and reported, saying, Your son lives!
So he asked them at what time he had begun to get better. They said, Yesterday during the seventh hour (about one o'clock in the afternoon) the fever left him. Then the father knew that it was at that very hour when Jesus had said to him, Your son will live. And he and his entire household believed (adhered to, trusted in, and relied on Jesus).
This is the second sign (wonderwork, miracle) that Jesus performed after He had come out of Judea into Galilee.

John 4:46-54 (Amplified Bible)

What does it mean to believe? What does that even look like? How does belief begin, evolve, change, and strengthen inside us. What is it to step out "in faith", or to deeply trust, or to have been persuaded? How does that happen inside of us?

Today's Meditation

16Your words were found, and I ate them; and Your words were to me a joy and the rejoicing of my heart, for I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.

17I sat not in the assembly of those who make merry, nor did I rejoice; I sat alone because Your [powerful] hand was upon me, for You had filled me with indignation.

18Why is my pain perpetual and my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you indeed be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail and are uncertain?

19Therefore thus says the Lord [to Jeremiah]: If you return [and give up this mistaken tone of distrust and despair], then I will give you again a settled place of quiet and safety, and you will be My minister; and if you separate the precious from the vile [cleansing your own heart from unworthy and unwarranted suspicions concerning God's faithfulness], you shall be My mouthpiece. [But do not yield to them.] Let them return to you--not you to [the people].

Jeremiah 15:16-19 (Amplified Bible)

Rescue

Peter

Photo by Grace

Yesterday, Grace took Sam out for his morning leak. I was getting the girls stuff ready for school and I heard Grace scream at the top of her lungs. So I ran out to see what was going on. Grace was pulling on Sam's leash with all of her might but couldn't pull Sam back. (He's a good 60 pounds now.) "Sam found baby bunnies and he already killed one and I can't keep him away from the others!" I rushed over and pulled Sam off. She was right. One was dead and another just lay there breathing but unable to move. Grace was traumatized. She was so sad for the bunnies. I was sad too. And I was trying to figure out what to do. I was afraid that if I tried to pick it up that the mom wouldn't come back. And it looked too young to feed it, which meant if I brought it inside it would die anyway. So I decided to wait it out a bit. I got the girls off to school and later found the other one had died.

The girls and I were pretty sad. I, not being so big on the dead animal removal thing, decided to let Matt take care of it. He was out late last night, so this morning I asked him to do the deed. He headed out back and I saw him with a shovel. A few minutes later he walked into the kitchen with "that look" on his face...but he didn't say anything. "What's the matter?" I asked.

"Nothing." He went down to the basement and came up with his leather gloves. He still had that look on his face. "WHAT?" I asked. So finally he says, "I found another bunny. It's alive. I'm putting it in a box so you can figure out what to do with it because I don't have the heart to kill it or leave it. Don't let the girls touch it, who knows what kind of diseases it could have. And don't ever tell Rane." And he went outside. He brought me the bunny in a cardboard box, and left to go chop wood. (It's the whole softy/tough guy routine.)

I was so excited. I felt all "save the bunnies" inside. He was sooo cute. So I did what every rational person would do in this situation. I googled, "Help, I found a wild bunny and I don't know how to save it." It was an amazingly productive strategy. I found out a number of things. First, touching a bunny doesn't prevent its mother from going back to it. Second, I was right, you can't feed it. Third, the mother doesn't stay with the nest because that would attract predators. She feeds the bunnies at night and before dawn. So what you are supposed to do is put the bunny back in the nest and cover it up and cross two sticks over it. Then wait until the next day. If the sticks have moved and the bunny is warm, the mother has probably come and fed it, and then you know it's best to leave it alone. If that doesn't happen, then you may need to call for help. In our case, the bunny was old enough that it was probably out of the nest. It had all the signs: its ears were perked, the diamond on its forehead was faded, and it could jump fast. We found this out when I took it out of the box and tried to put it back in the nest. It decided it would find a hiding place of its own.

So Grace, who was so elated that a bunny had survived, got a few pictures of it before we set it free. We're hoping Daddy will have his own little Peter Cotton Tail to deal with this summer.

In fact, I think that's a great name for a little bunny. We'll call him Peter.

Hmmm. Maybe we need to go find a few Beatrix Potter books today.

Peter in his new hiding place.

Praying for Redemption

Anybody Home?

Photo by Bgrace

"Who shall go up into the mountain of the Lord?

Or who shall stand in His Holy Place?

He who has clean hands,

and a pure heart,

who has not lifted himself up to falsehood, or to what is false,

nor sworn deceitfully.

He shall receive blessing from the Lord and righteousness (vindication) from the God of his salvation." (AMP, RSV)

Psalm 24:3-5

"I hate Loredana, she's mean!" Grace slammed the door and stomped into the house. She came over to me and started to tell me how she didn't ever want to play with Loredana ever again. Finally, I was able to stop the outpouring of anger and settle Grace down enough for her to tell me what happened.

Loredana lives across the street from us. She and Grace are about the same age and they play often together, and usually fairly well. But on this particular day, Loredana was not exactly the picture of friendship. Grace went over to play, and Loredana told her she wanted to play, but that Grace needed to wait outside for her for a minute. A minute turned into more like 5 minutes, and Grace realized (because she could see inside) that Loredana wasn't really doing anything. Finally, she came out to play, but then told Grace she wanted to go inside to get a snack. Another 5 minutes went by. Then Loredana came out to play. Grace asked her to play a game and Loredana said she wanted to play something else first, and then she would play what Grace wanted to play. Grace agreed, but noticed that Loredana kept prolonging the game she was playing, and calling all the younger girls to come and have turns, while not giving Grace a turn. Finally, when they were done playing, Grace asked Loredana to play the game she wanted to, and Loredana decided she didn't want to anymore. At this, Grace finally caved to her frustrations and told Loredana she wasn't being fair. She wasn't doing what she had said she would do, she wasn't keeping her word. Loredana looked at Grace and said, "I need to go inside for a minute." She then proceeded to go in and "tell on" Grace to her mother. So her mother came out and said, "Grace, you need to stop getting upset over little things. I think you both need a break." And she sent Grace home.

Well, as I finally got the whole story from Grace, who at this point was crying her little heart out, my spirit just sank for her. As a mother, it takes a lot of strength to help your child lean into the light in this kind of a situation, and not encourage all the dark feelings that are already festering in your child's heart.

So I took her into my arms and I said, "Grace, I can understand why your feelings are hurt. You have every right to be hurt by the way that Loredana treated you. She was being mean to you. She wasn't treating you with kindness or respect. She was saying one thing but doing another, in a way that she felt she could deny it when you pointed it out. The only ones who know the truth are you and her, but she was being so deceptive in how she was doing it that she feels she doesn't even have to admit to you that she was wrong. Then she made it look like you were the one at fault. Unfortunately, her behavior affects both of you."

I turned her face to me and I said, "I know that you are hurt, and it is ok for you to tell me what she did and that it hurts, and you can even tell me that she was being mean...but you don't ever want to say that you hate someone. One of the hardest things we need to learn is to love people even when they do terrible things. If we don't, all that darkness and meanness that you saw in Loredana's heart when she mistreated you will affect your heart and your heart will become darkened too." Grace didn't seem too convinced, but I knew this was a very important teaching moment, so very gently I said, "Grace, do you realize that when you sin against someone, like when you call them names, or when you don't keep your word, that you are also sinning against God?" She looked at me and with the deepest sincerity and all the seriousness a 9 year old could muster she said, "Oh no, Mom, I would never do that." I looked at her empathetically, and I slowly said, "But you do, Grace, you do it all the time. And so do I. That's why it is so important that we confess our sins to Him, and ask His forgiveness when we sin against someone."

"But I don't want to play with her anymore," Grace said.

"I completely understand that Grace, and I don't want you to play with her either until we can talk to Loredana and her mother about this. Forgiving her isn't the same thing as trusting her. Loredana needs to understand that you know that the way she treated you was very wrong, and that it isn't ok. If she feels like she can keep on acting this way with you and not have any consequences, she will keep doing it. And that would be terrible for you AND her. Not only that, but she has deceived her mother by not telling her the wrong she did, and then making it look like you did something wrong. It is important for the truth to be told about that, and it is important for Loredana to understand how she wronged you in that."

With the thought that before they would play again, the truth would be laid out on the table, and things could be made right, Grace seemed at peace and went to get ready for dance. I sat there thinking, with some measure of hesitation, about the meeting with Loredana's Mom. Dread aside, I know that it will be an important conversation in order for their friendship to be restored, and also for Loredana's character to go through some refining. Not only that, but it keeps Grace honest when she knows that her explanation of what happened will now go under scrutiny.

It's now been two days since this happened. I have yet to speak to Loredana and her Mother. I decided that I would wait until Loredana asked to play with Grace again. So far that hasn't happened, so I'm guessing she might be a little fearful that she might be called on the carpet. But it has given me time to reflect.

My heart is tugged by this because I understand some of what Grace is feeling. Probably better than Grace herself. My guess is that Loredana was wrapped up in her self-centered 9 year old world, and was feeling insecure and thought she could make herself feel better--in this case by manipulating someone else. I don't know...why do people do the things they do? Regardless, I STRONGLY doubt Loredana had any real idea how much pain that would cause Grace. And I'm sure it didn't start out with a diabolical plan to make Grace out to be the bad guy. It just kind of conveniently shaded itself that way to her Mom when it was necessary to protect herself. (Someone had to take the fall.)

For whatever reason this has just drawn my attention to the fact that when we don't walk in purity and obedience to God, we bring harm to others. We sin against them. And when we sin against God we sin against others. And it promotes feelings of darkness in those we sin against who are then put to the test as to whether or not they will move toward love or further the cycle of darkness. It is ESPECIALLY hard when the ones who sin against us make no effort to repent from their wrongdoing and to confess what they have done. Or when we are being manipulated to take responsibility for things we didn't do. Or when we are wrongly accused and the only One who knows it is the One who knows man's heart, and the One who can reveal man's heart. (I Cor. 2:6-16) But it is incredibly important for us not to respond in dark-likeness. There is so much power on our side when we respond to the darkness of others with light. With life. We will never promote life and change in others without it. And when we do--we open the door for redemption.

The only way to restoration is confession and repentance, and for redemption to occur their must be a change. But what if our friend would rather just shove it all under the carpet of the past and move on? Aren't there times when we need our Mom to step in and sort through the confusion and the deception so that we can all live in the truth? I mean, it's one thing to sit on your Mom's lap and have her help you to understand that even though you're taking this one on the chin, it's not right. But it's a whole other thing for your Mom to say, "Come with me, let's make this situation right."

Like when God calls someone to be obedient and they don't listen and the result is that others suffer and God's work suffers, but they look like they did the right thing though they traded God's plan for their own comfort.

Like when the powers that be at Matt's job have 3 months to make a necessary change in management and drop the ball so Matt has two weeks to learn what it took a guy (they abused so much he had to quit) 20 years to learn. And Matt's doing his all out best to do the impossible and instead of encouragement and appreciation for all his effort they threaten him and tell him if he doesn't make up for their poor management he's a failure.

Like when leaders in the church preach repentance and confession, love and acceptance in public and shovel out condemnation and judgement, manipulation and segregation in private.

Like when governments put laws in place against prostitution, kidnapping, and human trafficking and then those in charge take a percentage of the profit from those committing these crimes in exchange for turning a blind eye.

And I've found myself looking at a number of situations lately where it seems like the only thing I can do is pray. Where I'm knocking on God's door saying, "Anybody there? When are you going to show up here? Could you help make this right? Could you help those who have brought about great grief to come to an understanding of what they have done wrong? Could you bless them with an experience of great remorse? Could you bring them to repentance? Could you even bring restoration and redemption?

Redemption! Really? That's such a big prayer to pray. That God could bring more good out of something than the evil that has been wrought. That He could be more than conqueror. But isn't that what the resurrection is all about? Of all the prayers we pray isn't it the one we absolutely must pray?

Isn't it exactly what happened to Saul/Apostle Paul?

I'm not settling for little prayers anymore. I'm praying for Saul/Paul-like conversions.

Because the people who have done the most harm, in redemption, have the motivation to do the most good. Maybe that's why God chooses them. Maybe that's why He choses us.

So I'm gonna pray big prayers for Loredana. That she will see something different about how we love her too much not to bring the darkness into the light and that she would become a follower of Jesus. And I'm gonna pray that God's light would shine oh-so-brightly through Matt at work, that people would see there is more to life than @$%& rolling downhill. I'm not praying for vindication against false prophets, but for their conversion. And I'm praying that those who make money off of the extortion of human beings would lay down their lives and their fortunes to bring justice where they once committed horrific crimes.

Call me crazy. Call me overimaginative...but call me courageous.

A Quiet Celebration

It's been one of those weeks. We've all been sick. Just one of those colds that makes you feel like doing nothing but napping. Luckily for Matt, that is one of his favorite pastimes. So we celebrated his 38th Birthday weekend with lots of them. We did wake him up for cake though. And you know what, even though we celebrated it kind of quietly, it was special. Just Matt and his girls. Love, hugs, smiles, and cuddles (from all four of us).

Faith and Ashes

Faith and Ashes

Photo by Bgrace

I find that the temptation to bypass faith on the way to sanctification is quite strong at times. It might seem the humble path to choose.

It’s not.

Bypassing faith is a path which we deviate to out of weakness, not strength.
Sometimes, when what God has revealed to me is very difficult to trust, to accept as true, to enter into a place of waiting and submission for, to continue to believe through all the circumstances that pass by “in the meantime”…sometimes I say to myself, “It’s not important if I believe it or not, what will be will be, as long as I am moving forward in the process of sanctification, I’m in the will of God.

This is the question I must continue to raise in my journey:
Do I make my choices…to believe, to act, to wait, to pray, to release, to lay down, to continue on…out of weakness or strength? Faith or doubt?
And it's easy to start thinking...it doesn't really matter what I believe about what God said and if it was God or not. I'll just focus on the basics...like loving people and becoming holy.

As if faith is not part of the process of sanctification.

As if faith is not the very foundation of sanctification.

Without faith we do not have the grace we need for obedience.

“For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: "The righteous will live by faith."
Romans 1:17 (Also check out Romans 3-4 and Hebrews 11)

And most often, this journey through faith is a very lonely one.
No one can have faith for us. But they can encourage us.
As those we love wrestle toward God, what does it look like to love them?
Are we sitting on the sidelines, apathetically watching those who are walking up steep hills and swimming against strong currents? Do we find it very easy to place loose data in our grids, weigh all the possibilities, and come up with the pros and cons, the likely or unlikelihood of the matters at hand? Are we a bit too comfortable in (oh so innocently) just asking questions? Or worse, do we come up with “logical” possibilities and oversimplified explanations?

Do we find it easy to be condescending towards those whose journeys we don’t understand? Have we become jaded?


Why does it always seem easier to cast shadows of doubt than encourage others in their faith?
Faith never comes easy. It always come through trial. Those who have passed through are forever marked. Once one has experienced a deeply carved path of faith it leaves them with a kindred reverence and gentleness for another in its throes. Are we aware of how painful it can be to be challenged with ambiguities that can’t be answered?

How much do we resemble Job's friends?
Job's friends were actually speaking truth. The law teaches that when you do good you are blessed, and when you do evil you are cursed. So the obvious conclusion for Job's friends was that Job did evil.

Job knew that this was the teaching of the law, and yet, in his heart, he knew that he had not sinned. There was an ambiguity. Something that should have been clear and made sense, and yet it didn't fit. Job couldn't apply the law to his circumstances. And he did not agree with his friends. He had instead to seek answers from God Himself.
Yet this is the very nature of faith, is it not? To believe what cannot be seen? And how horribly heavy is the pressure to cave? In the innocent guise of asking questions, is the casting of doubt what is really being accomplished?
I wonder in whose image we are asking questions?
Do they sound like the Snake’s question in Genesis 1?
“Did God really say…?”

The longer I’m in this journey of faith the more I see the Snake’s great question is his greatest weapon against obedience. I think Eve would agree. Obedience caves when there is no faith to sustain it.
Sanctification is not possible without faith because sanctification must be worked out in us and through us in faith and obedience to God and in relationship with the One who saves us and calls us and purposes us for His Kingdom and glory.

I’m not saying we take everything that crosses our paths as the Word of God, and that we believe we’ve understood it all at first glance. I am saying that it is incredibly important that we seek God out in it, that we ask Him to help us sift it and glean from it what He desires. Then follow where He leads us. That is a very delicate process in the life of any Saint.

We aren’t doing anyone any favors by playing the devil’s advocate.
It might be exactly what we end up becoming.
Are our questions helping someone to find clarity, or are they undermining the ministry of the Holy Spirit in the life of another?
You never know, the person we are trying to help just might be learning Job’s lessons.
Whose part are we playing in that story?

Words from the Weekend

Darkness

Dawn

Connected

Glory

Let it shine

Overseer

Covering

Dar Luz

Dar Luz

photo by Bgrace

My grandfather once told me this story of a missionary who went to the Amazon. He was new, just learning the language, and he needed some supplies. So he went to the village general store and asked for a candle. The owner gave him a puzzled look and asked what for. The missionary said, "You know, a candle, to give light." At this, the owner looked downright offended. The missionary realized something was a bit off in their communication. He discovered that instead of a vela (which means candle) he had asked for a velha (an old woman). But it gets worse. "Dar luz" which means give light, is also the Brazilian way of saying "to give birth", in other words to have a baby. So instead of asking for a candle for light, he'd asked for an old woman to bear his child. A great first impression.

To give birth, to give light. Life and light are often connected in the Scriptures. John 1 is a beautiful example of this. There is a sense of expectancy, something coming that has been in the works since the beginning, but is only now coming into its fullness.

I took the picture above the day after the snowfall earlier this week. I had let Sam out into the field to play and was so struck by the light on the snow that I ran in to get my camera. The whole field was blanketed in white and glistening with crystals. And I thought, "What would the redeemed world look like?" Instead of the black night sky with speckled with the light of the stars, maybe it will look like crystals on white snow.

I think it will be beautiful.

Below is something I wrote that reflects what I believe the Lord was speaking to me regarding John 1:1-9. It is personalized, but not meant to be exclusive. It is important to hear what God is saying to us through a passage. I encourage you to do the same, but I also invite you to hear what He is saying to you as you read what He has been speaking to me.

See the world engulfed in darkness.

Life offers Himself to its plight.

The Light of all people.

Light shines brighter in the black.

The darkened look at it and turn away.

Not seeing, not hearing, not understanding, not believing.

Who will God send? Is there a witness to the Light?

Light shows itself through His Life.

His Life is in her. His Light is in her.

Light shows itself through her life.

Will she testify?

Will she be the vessel, the vehicle, the venue?

Through her witness people might believe that the Light is true, and real,
and gives Light and Life to all.

That Light has been given to me.

I carry it with me as I go.

It bears its Light in the darkest of places through me.

There are times when a messenger is necessary.

It's a good thing...

I wish I had taken this picture.

Actually I wish I was the girl IN this picture.

It was taken by a guy name Pat on Flicker (google "surfer girl in Manhattan").

A friend of mine wrote me this today. "Something is going on in me spiritually. Can't pinpoint it. And I feel, this is the only way I can explain it, like I am surfing in Maui and I am just about to catch and ride one of those monster waves, where I could be 20 or 30 feet high one second and in the next waiting for that wave to hit me. But in a GOOD way. I LOVE when I get slammed by a wave and get thrown around like a rag doll. I feel that tremendous excitement like I am waiting to get hit by the wave. "

I couldn't have said it any better.

But the Psalmist did:

"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls. All your waves and breakers have swept over me." Psalm 42:7

Maybe I AM the girl in the picture.

Redemption and City of God (from the archives)

Throughout the past couple of weeks the Lord has been revealing a lot to me about the ministries He is preparing me for. It has been an amazing time of sensing and understanding His call on my life, and also of understanding how the last 4 years have been preparing me for this. A friend told me a couple weeks ago that the pain would go away when I had some understanding of why I went through what I did. I didn't really believe her. Mostly because I felt like I understood what caused me pain. She was right. So much of the pain is wrapped up in the question of why God allows (or maybe even is the source of) so much pain. As I understand the necessity of the pain in preparation for what is ahead, it no longer lingers. IT IS MORE THAN OK. IT IS BLESSED. IT IS ALL WORTHWHILE.

I'm not ready to share all that the Lord is showing me right now regarding what I believe He is calling me to. All in due time. Yet, I do believe that there is a key that He has been teaching me all along. It is this: there is no place and no person beyond the light of God. No matter how broken and violated they have been. No matter how much they have broken and violated others. Redemption is real. He calls us to go to the darkest of places and trust that His light will shine all the brighter in the black.

Almost 4 years ago, I made my way to Biblical for my exit interview. I was walking down the hall about ready to kill my dream. My only reason being that I was being obedient to the voice of God. The Lord told me to pause by a table in the hallway. I picked up two items because He told me to, one of which was a pamphlet advertising that Steve Saint, son of Nate Saint, was going to be speaking. (I believe it was just after the End of the Spear was produced.) At the time it meant nothing to me. It was only over a year later when I reread Through the Gates of Splendor that I began to be touched by the impact of these families who went to the darkest culture they knew. And only after I watched The End of the Spear a year after that, that I understood the connections. The sacrifice of those men made a path for God to show up in a way that no darkness could hide from, and though years later, those same people who killed them became followers of Christ, in whose example they died.

The Lord keeps bringing me back to this question...Is there any place too dark for redemption?
No, I say. No.
The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Here am I, send me.

I decided to repost this piece that I wrote last year for Deep Calls. The Lord keeps bringing me back to it. The Christ the Redeemer Statue overlooks many favellas in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

photo by Paulinho

City of God

I watched a video last week. It was truly the most vile movie I have ever seen. It was all I could do to sit through the 130 minutes of violence, sex, drugs, foul language, and other “adult content” in its worst form. In fact, the only thing I can think of worse than seeing this movie would have been not to have seen this movie.

Let me explain. The movie, “Cidade de Deus” is based on the true story of a boy who grew up in a favella in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. A favella is something like what Americans would call a slum. This particular slum was called “The City of God” and began as a government funded project where small cement shacks were built to put roofs over the heads of thousands of homeless families.The boy grew up and lived through the degeneration of this city into one of the most dangerous places in the world. A place overridden with horrific crime and the degradation of the value of human dignity and life. A place where children as young as 4 or 5 learned to kill senselessly with no remorse.

I was terribly disturbed. Even more so than after watching “Hotel Rwanda.” Not that I am trying to compared atrocities. But why? Are billions of people all over the world dying from hunger. And many organizations doing what they can to help. But what about places like this? Places that carry the darkness of Sodom and Gomorrah—seemingly beyond redemption. Places where the poison of evil corrupts every attempt at goodness. Places so dangerous war photographers won’t even venture.

What would it take to bring life and light to such a place? The question has been bothering me all week. Is there place so vile Christ cannot enter? What about all those children being overtaken by evil? Are they beyond the reach of redemption’s grasp?And then today, I had a thought. I remembered a man named Jim Eliot, and the book his wife wrote called Through the Gates of Splendor. I reread it about a year and a half ago. It has been very influential in my life. The book tells of the missionaries who were burdened to reach headhunters--the Auca Indians—with the truth of the Gospel. Anyone who had ventured to make contact with this people group had been killed. But Jim and his friends were determined to follow the call of God on their lives. They ended up dying for these people. It took a great act of courage for them to go, and it resulted in a tremendous sacrifice. They lost their lives…but not their legacy.

Sometime ago, I watched the movie “They End of the Spear” written by Steve Saint, the son of Nate Saint, who died at the hands of the Auca Indians.When Steve became an adult, God called him to go back and minister to the same Indians who had killed his Dad. If he hadn’t, we might never have known the rest of the story. The Indians who killed the missionaries had a divine encounter on the day of the attack. They witnessed the heavenly ascent of the men whom they had killed. That act of revelation, that act of God combined with the sacrificial act of men, cut a path through the jungle no one dared enter, and into the hearts of men.

So I sit back and I wonder if the City of God, and places like it, are the Auca Jungles of our generation. But would we be willing to go? I mean, I’d go in a second, right? I’m not afraid to die…most of the time. But then I stop and think, “Oh, but I am afraid of being raped. Could I risk that?” And then I think, “What about my children? How would I protect them? Is it ok for me to allow myself to be taken from them?” Could I entrust my children to God if something happened to me? Does God even ever ask that kind of thing of us?I would take a tremendous sacrifice. But so much more to penetrate that kind of perversion. It would take Divine Intervention.But who would go?Who should go?What would an act of love of that magnitude look like?One through which light and life could come into even the darkest of places.

Psalm 77:10-19
Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:the years of the right hand of the Most High."
I will remember the deeds of the LORD;yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.
Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;you display your power among the peoples.
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,the descendants of Jacob and Joseph. Selah
The waters saw you, O God,the waters saw you and writhed;the very depths were convulsed.
The clouds poured down water,the skies resounded with thunder;your arrows flashed back and forth.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,your lightning lit up the world;the earth trembled and quaked.
Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.