Waiting

Photo by Bgrace

Why do you wipe the tears from my eyes just to put them back again?

Why do you weep so deep before you raise a dead man?

Why do you show your plan when through fingers it slips like glistening sand?

Why do you wrest me from time, then watch me attempt to live where I am?

Yet I'm no longer who I was,

And you are not who I thought.

I miss my illusion.

But I won't turn back,

With your blood I'm bought.

Little Gift

Photo by Bgrace

"I say to you, Blessed is he who exposes himself to an existance never brought under mastery, who does not transcend, but rather abandons himself to my ever-transcending grace. Blessed are not the enlightened whose every question has been answered and who are delighted with their own sublime insight, the mature and ripe ones whose one remaining action is to fall from the tree. Blessed, rather, are the chased, the harassed who must daily stand before my enigmas and cannot solve them. Blessed are the poor in spirit, those who lack a spirit of cleverness. Woe to the rich, and woe to the double rich in spirit! Although nothing is impossible with God, it is difficult for the Spirit to move their fat hearts. The poor are willing and easy to direct. Like little puppies they do not take their eyes from their master's hand to see if perhaps he may throw them a little morsel from his plate. So carefully do the poor follow my promptings that they listen to the wind (which blows where it pleases), even when it changes. From the sky they can read the weather and interpret the signs of the times. My grace is unpretentious, but the poor are satisfied with little gifts."

Han Urs Von Balthasar
(as found in The Furious Longing of God)

oHIo

A weekend away! (Matt thought I needed one for the road.)

I drove us there while Matt did some paperwork. I got to listen to my OWN grown up songs. Revelation (Third Day) and Raising Sand sang me most of the way there.

We found this adorable little Bistro in Springfield called Seasons for dinner.

Next morning we went to the Clifton Mill--my favorite place to have breakfast in the whole world.

Pancakes the size of your plate. If you eat them all they give you a free one. I had the apple pancakes. No...I didn't get the free one.

We sat in my favorite spot, the windows overlooking the water. Matt had an omelete...sooo good.

I said something really funny right before I took this picture, but I can't remember what now.

Then we headed over to the Ville to walk around the campus. I always loved spring quarter the best.

Yeah, we couldn't do this the last time we were here together.

Matt catching up with Dixon....I think they sang a little "Christ is all I need "

We headed to Columbus for dinner...to the BEST seafood restaurant.

(Couldn't do this when I was at Cedarville either.)

We had the best dessert. Mine was a dark chocolate bag filledwith raspberry mouse and fresh raspberries, strawberries, and blueberries. AMAZING.

Monday Matt went to his meetings. I spent the morning relaxing and the afternoon catching up with an old, and very dear friend.

I wasn't sure how I would feel about going back. But I was glad I did. I am so different from the person I was back then. But it's good to remember. And its good to be glad I've changed.

Easter at the Bruckners

Everything is Changing

robin's back

Photo by Bgrace

Sam and I toured the yard this morning. Some of my asparagus is already ready to harvest. My strawberry plants have these vibrant green leaves that are reaching up and out all over the place. My mint patch is beginning to sprout up and my raspberry stems look like little patches of poison ivy surrounding the deck. The heather along the side of the house is bushy with purple buds and my azalea's leaves are preparing for their Mother's Day celebration.

Spring is fighting it's way onto the scene again.

Winter couldn't hold it back forever.

Red breasted robins are all over my yard.

They look like they've been shot in the heart, but they sing anyway.

Amy Carmichael always reminds me that things happen in the winter time that we can't see until spring.

"The snow-time is full of quiet secrets too, for we are carefully keeping secrets with our God about the growing things under the snow, secrets like those a child keeps with its mother, little private understandings not to be spoken aloud. A glance, a smile, a touch of the hand, that is their speech." (Gold by Moonlight)

I can hardly wait for the lilacs!!!

On the brain today...

"hallowed"

Photo by Bgrace

I took this picture in Seattle, at a restaurant tucked into Pike Place Market that overlooks the water. I get really mixed reactions from people when they look at this photo. Some people gasp and "LOVE it." Others are completely unaffected by it and wonder why I even bothered to keep it. Some people say it's important to know why you like a photo...of course I don't restrict myself to that rule, sometimes I keep a photo because I think it likes me. But this particular photo I like because of the server. She completely mesmerizes me. She's just going about her business, busy doing her job, focused on the task at hand. She's not even aware of the light that falls on her. But in the stillness of this photo, I see it. I see the light that falls on her as she works and serves. I see how important she is. I see that her work is holy...at least from the light's point of view. It sees fit to shine on her.

I'm going back to work. As a server. I LOVE that title. It really puts things into perspective, doesn't it? It's part time, at the loveliest place. Matt and I had been there for dinner before--once for our anniversary and once for Valentine's Day. I love the estate, the history of the Inn, and the food is wonderful. So when I saw the ad in the paper I applied on a fluke. And the Lord just kind of took over. It's recently been acquired by a Christian couple and as it turns out it seems to be the perfect fit for us all. Matt and I are planning on taking the whole family to Porto Alegre this Christmas--a costly undertaking to say the least--and I've been praying that the Lord would provide the money for us to go. But working here is a gift in and of itself.

There will be some adjustments:

It will take me away from my girls a bit more. And that will be hard for us all. But summer is soon here and with school out we'll have our mornings in the backyard and our afternoons at the pool.

We've already been soaking up the few days of fun in the sun...

And rain.

I won't have as much time to read, pray, and meditate. At least not in the same way. I've been reading a book lately that is changing everything for me. Well, maybe I should say it this way...over the last few years, I've been forced to take a hard look at some "sacred cows". Those things I've believed about God that defined for me who God was and how He works. My sacred cows fell completely apart because they did not allow for the experiences in my life or for God's words and work in my life. My beliefs fell into a particular paradigm and God literally blew that to pieces. Once your theology doesn't help you it becomes meaningless. I knew that God had shown me mine was inadequate, and He has slowly built a new paradigm for me to understand what I have experienced and understand Him better--and how He works. But until now, I haven't had the courage or the healing to fully grasp it. And I haven't had anyone who could help me work through Scripture to learn how it actually allows for such an understanding. But I do now. The book is called A God Who Risks, and is a theology of Providence. It's about the kind of sovereignty God chooses to exercise in the world. Does He know the future? Or does He lead us into His divine will, but leave the choice up to us? How much choice? What are the consequences when we don't follow His righteous plan for our lives? Does He preordain all of our behavior? All of our actions? Or does our lack of cooperation with Him consequently affect His will for our lives, His righteous plans. How long does He keep working to bring them about? Before you answer these questions, I encourage you to read more widely about it. John Sanders' book is a bit of a challenge--it is written for theologians. But Gregory Boyd has a couple books out that are a little more readable. I've read "God of the Possible" and I've heard good things about "Letters from a Skeptic". I don't necessarily agree with everything--and these guys don't necessarily agree on all points with each other. BUT I am almost sure that whether or not you agree with all of their conclusions, you will notice enormous pitfalls that you fall into in your walk with God. If you say things like, "What will happen will happen" or "It must have been God's will" even though something terrible happens or you find that things that God has shown you or said to you don't always work out the way you understood...you should definitely do some reading. I believe that it will have an enormous impact on how you view your past, and certainly on how you approach your future.

And I won't have the freedom to travel as much. But we are getting to New York for Easter. And the weekend after that we are headed to Cedarville. It's been FOREVER since I've been back and I'm actually looking forward to it. Matt has been asked to be on the Board of Advisors for the new Geology major they are offering. We're going to have a little away time just the two of us Saturday and Sunday and go back to our favorite places. On Monday he's going to be in meetings all day and the Lord and I are going to do a lot of revisiting...with camera of course.

But then I will have to settle in....

And I'm looking forward to it.

God is good. Always. And we especially notice it when we recognize His blessings.

Fools Day

Stairwell

Photo by Bgrace

"There are two ways to be fooled;

one is to believe what isn't so,

the other is to refuse to believe what is so."

Soren Kierkegaard