"Every day with its new reasons will I affectionately and gratefully praise You." Psalm 145:2 
Photo by Bgrace: Em at sunset
Photo by Bgrace: Em at sunset Albert Einstein said,
"There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle. "
Its been almost exactly three years since my last trip to Ocean City, NJ--part of the time God decided to open up the realms of the heavens and mess with me. I feel too tired to sort through all the emotions that have surfaced after going back.
I'm glad I went. I reclaimed parts of me that felt endangered. I went to Browns for doughnuts, woke up in time to catch the sunrise on the ocean, got a Jersey Girl sweatshirt (born there and proud of it) and a great shore wreath for my front door.
I ran into a lot of reminders--though I chose not to feel victimized by an oppressive force. I turned them upwards to the only One who knows and understands with a hope that someday it will become more clear.
I spent most of my time enjoying the miracles with me instead of trying to figure out the ones behind me. I love my girls. I love how much they love me. I wanted to capture their joy...because these days I'm able to enter into it with them. We had wonderful moments--new reasons for laughter and love. The stuff that life is made of. If Matt could have been with us it would have been perfect.
I woke up at 5:30 again this morning. (For so many reasons that has to be an act of God.) So I went to find my Bible with a prayer..."Can you just talk to me about today?" "I just want to talk about now." I opened up to Psalm 145. The first two verses were more than enough for today's trek.
When taking my whole journey into consideration, I don't feel like I can have a big "hooray for God" party. I have too much pain and not enough understanding to do that in honesty. But I can acknowledge and be deeply grateful for the blessings of today...and for right now that's all I am going to require of myself.
Today I have such a deep love for Matt in the core of my being and a deep contentment in my relationship with him and our children that I KNOW none of this came from a personal dissatisfaction with my life. I was content in my marriage--now I am even more so. Deep down I've always known that, but there are times when it is hard to trust what you know.
It's nothing less than a miracle that I can finally rest in that...a new reason to bless God.
My Father in the heavens,
please keep waking me up to the miracles around me.
Don't let me become a victim of despondency, complacency, numbness, hopelessness, or confusion.
In every today grant me the graces of insight, joy, and gratitude
That I may enter into the new reasons you give me to affectionately and gratefully praise You.
Until you lead me into clarity regarding all the rest, please grant me faith in
Your goodness and love,
Your sovereignty over my path,
Your constant working in all that I cannot see
To bring about Your will and Your kingdom
In me, through me, around me and beyond me.
And help me not to expect myself to feel ok about those things which are not ok.
Amen
"There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle. "
Its been almost exactly three years since my last trip to Ocean City, NJ--part of the time God decided to open up the realms of the heavens and mess with me. I feel too tired to sort through all the emotions that have surfaced after going back.
I'm glad I went. I reclaimed parts of me that felt endangered. I went to Browns for doughnuts, woke up in time to catch the sunrise on the ocean, got a Jersey Girl sweatshirt (born there and proud of it) and a great shore wreath for my front door.
I ran into a lot of reminders--though I chose not to feel victimized by an oppressive force. I turned them upwards to the only One who knows and understands with a hope that someday it will become more clear.
I spent most of my time enjoying the miracles with me instead of trying to figure out the ones behind me. I love my girls. I love how much they love me. I wanted to capture their joy...because these days I'm able to enter into it with them. We had wonderful moments--new reasons for laughter and love. The stuff that life is made of. If Matt could have been with us it would have been perfect.
I woke up at 5:30 again this morning. (For so many reasons that has to be an act of God.) So I went to find my Bible with a prayer..."Can you just talk to me about today?" "I just want to talk about now." I opened up to Psalm 145. The first two verses were more than enough for today's trek.
When taking my whole journey into consideration, I don't feel like I can have a big "hooray for God" party. I have too much pain and not enough understanding to do that in honesty. But I can acknowledge and be deeply grateful for the blessings of today...and for right now that's all I am going to require of myself.
Today I have such a deep love for Matt in the core of my being and a deep contentment in my relationship with him and our children that I KNOW none of this came from a personal dissatisfaction with my life. I was content in my marriage--now I am even more so. Deep down I've always known that, but there are times when it is hard to trust what you know.
It's nothing less than a miracle that I can finally rest in that...a new reason to bless God.
My Father in the heavens,
please keep waking me up to the miracles around me.
Don't let me become a victim of despondency, complacency, numbness, hopelessness, or confusion.
In every today grant me the graces of insight, joy, and gratitude
That I may enter into the new reasons you give me to affectionately and gratefully praise You.
Until you lead me into clarity regarding all the rest, please grant me faith in
Your goodness and love,
Your sovereignty over my path,
Your constant working in all that I cannot see
To bring about Your will and Your kingdom
In me, through me, around me and beyond me.
And help me not to expect myself to feel ok about those things which are not ok.
Amen
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