Anticipation

photo by bgrace

So this is the day--its always the longest day. It's the day before. And it's almost over. Well, technically now it is over, since it's just after midnight. But since I haven't gone to bed yet, it doesn't feel like the day of. For weeks before they get here I have this great little knack of just blowing it off. Ahh, no big deal. They're coming soon. The weeks will pass and sooner that I know it I'll be picking them up at the train station. But I have sooo many things going on between now and then...so I move my trained mind to focus on those things. But the week before I start to make plans, and then I get things all ready, I get the girls excited, and so I have to work extra hard not to get all excited. Why? I hate anticipation. It makes me nervous and it gives me that horribly unsatisfied feeling that just hangs over me and taunts me. I know, you'd think at my age I'd be over it, but I'm still the first one up on Christmas mornings. And I'm terrible at keeping gifts for people until their birthdays. I'm soooo impatient. And I hate knowing about a surprise that I don't know about. You know, like you know you're going to be surprised, but you don't know when, and so the anticipation just eats at you? I hate that. Either really surprise me or don't. But nothing in the middle. It just makes me crazy.

So when it's the day before I know that I'll see them all my artfully crafted busyness kind of withers away and all that is left is the anticipation, and yes, excitement of seeing them again.

It used to be worse. Remember before 9/11 when there were international terminals where all the people who were flying in from overseas would come out and everybody would be standing there waiting for them? I could never go and wait for my parents there without a tissue box. All those families and couples seeing each other after being apart for so long. There was just something about it that hit so many deep chords in my soul I would just stand there weeping with people I didn't even know because their reunions were so moving to me. I was a basket case long before I saw my parents arrive.

But now you can't really go wait for them like that because of all the security. And my parents travel pretty light now, so instead of picking them up at the airport we're going to pick them up at the train station 2 miles from my house. But I'm still excited.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new month, and promises to be packed full of adventure. Dad, Randy and I are headed up to Maine next week to climb Mt. Katahdin...something I've always wanted to do with my Dad. I can't wait! Well, I guess I can, but I won't like it.