She gave me a copy of her correspondence with a young man we'll call A. She asked me to read through it and then to write him a letter. A. is the son of a friend of hers. A. is in prison. Rev. Mary told me that the Lord seemed very serious about me doing this and that she wanted to anoint me with prayer for this ministry.
That was the first time I wrote A.
Yesterday I was finishing up a letter to him and felt led to include parts of a piece I posted April 20th, 2008 entitled Meanwhile.
I sensed that I should post it in it's entirety today for you. As I read it, the righteous anger that I felt rise up in me when I wrote it is long gone. I remember feeling so grateful God gave me words to express what I needed to about what I was feeling at the time. Though it is strong, it was not uncalled for. Perhaps it is something that someone reading this needs help identifying in their own journey. May you be blessed by God through it. I hope that A. will be too.
B
Crossing Volcanoes
Photo by Bgrace
“Meanwhile, through trusting, you are being protected by God’s power…” (I Peter 1:5 JNT)
Meanwhile.
Easy to skip that word, isn’t it? But it’s very important.
Meanwhile is about now.
Meanwhile is about this time before the “what is to come.”
During this time we do not yet have our inheritance.
During this time we do not yet have the things God has promised us.
During this time we are experiencing trials and persecution.
During this time we are being refined.
During this time before we receive what our trust is aiming at.During this time before the glorious things which are to follow.
During this time we are becoming holy in our entire way of life.
During this time we are being purified by obeying the truth.
During this time we are learning to love our brothers and sisters deeply with all our heart.
During this time we are learning to take hold of grace and peace in the midst of grief.
(I Peter 1)
Meanwhiles can seem endless. Especially when we are waiting in faith. It’s such an important lesson in life…the learning to wait in faith. Noah waited for the rain. Abraham waited for his son. Israel waited for the Promised Land. David waited for his kingdom. Mary waited to see God’s promises fulfilled through her son.
It is painful to wait in faith. It tests us like nothing else. It makes us desperate. It forces us to seek truth like we have never sought it before. Because the worst possible thing would be to point your life in a particular direction and go through all the agony of waiting and realize in the end it was all for nothing, that it was all a lie. So we seek the truth above and beyond all else.
So, since God is the source of truth it causes us to seek His face with a singular attention. And because the thing that most gets in the way of our ability to understand truth is sin, we seek purity of heart above all else. Because the pure in heart are those who see most clearly. So we seek to be sanctified, and humbled, and emptied of all that keeps us from desiring the will of God to come to pass in our lives and in the lives of those around us. We ask God to show us the truth about His will and we submit our hearts and lives to Him above all else.
Once we have done this groundwork and waited on God, and listened to God, and heard from God, and finally settled on the truth that God has asked us to trust…then comes the time to ask for faith. Faith to believe the truth. And then faith to continue to believe in the truth. “Trusting is being confident of what we hope for, convinced about things we do not see.” (Heb. 11:1 JNT)
The truth we are asked to trust never seems to be as clear as we would like it to be…but then again, if it were, there would be no need for faith.
I’ve found it’s easier to have faith in the truth before the meanwhile. But the meanwhile is where God teaches us the walk of faith. The meanwhile is where God teaches us about His provision and His protection.
“Meanwhile, through trusting, you are being protected by God’s power…”
I’ve had a lot of people, many whom I deeply respect, tell me something that I believe is terribly contradictory to the truth of Scripture. All because they wanted to “help me.” It took its various shapes and forms, but in the end it all boiled down to this idea:
“Becky, you can’t know for sure where all this stuff is coming from, or what it all means, or if it’s even true, so just move on with your life, and if it happens, it happens. And then you’ll know.” Just the typing out of the words on my computer gives me feeling that I can only describe as an indecision to scream or throw up. (And I’m not being dramatic, that is truly what I am feeling right now.)
Like somehow I’m just supposed to be able not to feel anything about all this.
Or that it’s not a big deal to know if it’s God who is invading my mind, my heart, my body, my circumstances, my past, my present, and my future, or if something extremely evil is screwing with me and pretending to be God…not to mention that God seems to be sitting idly by watching.
Or that it’s a spiritually mature thing to go into a life of denial. A life where I pretend the things that I’ve experienced haven’t happened or that even if they have they don’t matter and it’s not really important to understand them.
Or that life is about what happens at the end instead of a relationship with God in the midst of the journey.
Or that it doesn’t matter if God is who He says He is.
Or that faith and obedience don't have any effect on the outcome of events.
Can you hear me screaming?
I think my window just shattered.
God NEVER speaks to us and expects us to shrug it off as unimportant or inconsequential.
We are NEVER to despise divine revelation.
The Words of God are SACRED (holy, consecrated, full of life, meaning, purpose and power) regardless of the form they come to us in.
But how do we know they are from God? The safeguard that we have is that God tells us that when we seek Him--truly seek Him and not ourselves--He will guide us. He will lead us. He will speak to us. He will give us wisdom. He will make a way. He will provide for us.
I believe this is true. Not just in some general principle sort of way, but personally, intimately, experientially TRUE.
How do we know what He means? This is an important question. We must continue to seek clarity from Him with a humble heart. To be willing to stand in faith knowing we see through a glass darkly. We seek to receive a more clear understanding of His revelation as He chooses to give it, knowing we can go no further than His revelation because we don’t have all the pieces yet. We follow a lamplight more often than a spotlight. (That’s paraphrased from Amy C.)
He will give us our manna for every day. But manna is no good if we don’t eat it today: if we don’t take it into our beings and feed on it and allow it to manifest its power within us to give us sustenance and life. And we need new manna every day. Its about trusting the Provider above the provision.
So please, don’t tell me not to listen when He speaks, or look when He shows me signs, or trust when He reveals His ways, and His plans, and His will. Don’t tell me that coming to a submission and an acceptance of His will even when it seems extraordinarily difficult to comprehend makes me less than human. You cannot judge my journey until you’ve walked in my shoes. With God’s Words often comes an experience of His Word. (Read Jeremiah if you want to understand that better.) It is not for you to parse out the purity of my heart.
Please don’t put shadow in the light that God shines on my spirit for my present journey through the living, breathing historical Scriptures. Because if you do that, you are undermining God’s work in my life. You are becoming an obstacle to my walking in His will, and you are not helping me. You are taking away from His power to keep me alive. You are damning me to a life of desperation, confusion, and hopelessness. Most significantly, you are asking me NOT to become a woman of great faith. A woman who cares enough about the truth to want to become holy enough to see it. A woman who is willing to follow God at any cost--even at the cost of being labeled a lunatic, or worse, a heretic.
“…through trusting, you are being protected, by God’s power…”
I’m learning to trust that God gives me the capacity to hear Him.
I’m learning to trust that God speaks to me.
I’m learning that when He speaks it is important for me to pay attention.
I’m learning I must believe that He means what He says.
I’m learning to trust that He’s not playing games with my heart.
I’m learning it doesn’t have to make sense to everyone else.
I’m learning to trust during the meanwhile.
Here’s the thing--my ability to do that rests largely on my willingness to trust the manna He gives me every day. My survival is dependent on it. The words He gives me each day they are life and light and the power to become.
So don’t tell me it’s not important to come to a God-fearing understanding about the nature of my experiences.
Don’t tell me it’s not important for me to stand in belief.
Stop undermining the work of the Spirit of God in my life.
It is through listening and trusting that I am reassured, that I am protected, that I can live without fear, without desperation, without hopelessness.
Perhaps you think my words are too strong. But I am reminded that the man who writes I Peter is the man to whom Jesus said, “Get thee behind me, Satan,” when he tried to protect Jesus from God’s call. So I speak in the spirit of a humbled Peter and in the spirit of the dying Christ. I've had so much untruth spoken to me about my journey. And this post is about my need to speak the truth--it doesn't even matter if anyone is listening. I just needed to own it and dissolve the power of the lies spoken over me.
Though my words may be strong, they come from a heart of love.
“Grace and shalom be yours in full measure.” (I Peter 1:2 JNT)
Now, if you're listening, go read I Peter 3 (NAS).
No comments:
Post a Comment