Storytelling

 Bridge Over Troubled Water

 Photo by Matt

"Whoever survives a test, whatever it may be, must tell the story. That is his duty."

Elie Weisel

I've been busy this summer.  Really busy.  And yet I didn't even scratch the surface of all that I wanted to accomplish.  There are a few projects I have been working on. 
1) My pictures.  I have thousands of them from the last couple of years. The short of it is I am trying to help us as a family "remember" through pictures.  I have been trying to take one event at at time and take the best of the photos, edit/organize/back up on to a CD, and put them in albums. 
I decided to start with Seattle 2008, which was basically where I learned to use my camera (sort of).  I was able to whittle the photos down to a little under 600. Which considering Matt wanted a photo of every nook and cranny of Mt. Saint Helens is pretty good.  I'm going to start with a smaller project next (maybe cherry picking) before I tackle the Brazil photos.
2) My story.  As I was putting together the Seattle photos, the Lord began impressing on me that I should gather my writings together for that year.  And that I needed to fill in the blanks.  2008 is sort of the dark ages when it comes to my writing.  I went through a very painful time when Satan almost got the best of me.  You know the verse in This Little Light of Mine where you blow on your pointer finger and sing "Don't let Satan (poof) it out?"  I get that verse now. 
My ability to believe God was almost killed and since I was attached so deeply to my belief in Him I almost died with it.  The panic attacks began to overtake me and I literally thought my mind was going to crack because I couldn't live with a God who was showing me what I was seeing and I couldn't fathom living without Him.  I asked my parents to come back to the States, because I honestly didn't know if I could care for my children.  I succumbed to medication for about two weeks until I realized a glass of wine in the evening did the same trick and didn't make me feel like my head was buzzing all day. Then I did the only thing I thought might help--I took Matt to Seattle to visit Ted.
It's interesting, as I look through the Seattle photos now I remember the pain, but even more obvious to me is the beauty in the midst of it.  And the significance of all the Lord was saying and doing but that I didn't have the capacity to take in at the time.  There are volumes to write about from that trip alone.   
So the Lord has been asking me to write and compile from the few months before I closed down Deep Calls through the time where my faith in Him was slowly rebuilt.  It's very hard.  But I have a lot of writings that can be compiled, including posts from a fairly private blog called Trio Sem Joio (Wheat Without Weeds), and then I can fill in the gaps with journal entries.  It's not about telling "the" story, but about my personal journey with God. There are a number of spiritual lessons and applications I have scratched out in my journals that need to be rewritten and most of my writing needs a good dose of editing.  It's time to work on that.
It's amazing to me as I look back at where I was almost exactly two years ago when I didn't literally know if I could live and see how much healing has taken place, how much understanding I have, and mostly, how stable I feel in my relationship with the Lord regardless of what the circumstances around me look like.  I'm not saying I'm indestructible or anything, just at such a better place than before.  Praise God!
And so...strong enough to write about it.
Or at least to try. 
The last thing I have been intentionally doing is enjoying life.  Since I went through a period where pain laced EVERYTHING and it was hard to enjoy ANYTHING I have such a new found love for it.  For people, and places, and experiences--food, art, travel...all sorts of blessings. And I want to write about it all. To tell the stories. They are all blessings from God to our family.  And so full of meaning.  I love sharing these experiences with my kids, with Jean, with my other close friends and family, and especially Matt.  Brazil and Bermuda were covered in God's fingerprints, and really, the whole summer has been.  Perhaps all of life is, and it is only now I have eyes to see it.   
Seriously, I appreciate your prayers as I write, that they would bring glory to God, and light to others as I share my journey.
B