Confusion Crucified

Photo by Bgrace

I heard a sermon recently from John Ortberg. The link to Menlo Park Presbyterian, the church where he pastors, is on my blog list to the right. I highly encourage you to listen to him. He’s one of the most gifted speakers I have ever heard. In this particular sermon he made a very interesting commentary on Peter’s address to the people at the Feast of Pentecost. (Acts 2) The Spirit of God was poured out with great power upon the followers of Jesus. Peter gave the very first sermon preached about Jesus after the crucifixion and resurrection. He was addressing the people of Israel who had gone to great expense and sacrifice to travel from all over to come to Jerusalem to worship God to sacrifice to him. Of all the people they were the moral high ground. Peter starts talking about Jesus, that there had never been a man like Jesus, nobody ever knew God like Jesus, understood life, loved, healed, died, or was resurrected like Jesus. Then he says this, “Therefore let all Israel be aware of this, God has made this Jesus whom you crucified both Lord and Christ (leader and redeemer.)” (Acts 2:36)
“This Jesus, whom you crucified.”
Now understand what Peter is saying to them: Your actions, your choices, your lives are what led to the crucifixion of the greatest man that ever lived.
Ortberg goes on to say that their response is interesting. You might expect the crowd to get angry at Peter, to turn on him. Instead, when they heard this, they were “cut to the heart.” They said, “Brothers, what should we do?” So what is going on? What’s happening is that Jesus said that when the Holy Spirit comes He would convict of sin. The people were being convicted and were repenting.
Ortberg then talks about the glorious gift that conviction is. How important it is for us to be convicted by the Spirit so that we may be able to experience repentance and turn from our wrongdoing in the presence of the grace of God.
After I listened to this sermon, I went to spend some time in prayer before I took communion. And as is my habit, I spent some time in confession. I had a particularly important meeting that night and so I had been preparing myself by fasting. (I believe we can often hear God more clearly when we fast. I think of it as praying with my body.)
Because of the expectancy of this time, and that I sense God’s preciseness right now in my preparation, I took some questions to Him that have been long unanswered.

I prayed something like this, “It is very important right now for me to move forward with a clean slate. I need to have conviction or release—to know that there isn’t any confusion in me regarding your voice and your leading in my life." And then I leaned as hard as I could in my spirit towards conviction.

I waited in silence for a while, and then very clearly, the Lord reminded me of the people at Pentecost, who unknowingly—because they didn’t recognize the Lord—crucified Christ. I realized as the peace, almost against my will, flooded my soul, that I was doing the same thing. I was trying to crucify the Christ in me.
There was no doubt in my spirit that God's Spirit was letting me know that what I was questioning was the presence of Christ and no other. I took Communion even more thoughtfully than usual. I wondered how many times I have tried, like the Israelites, to crucify the Christ in me in the name of trying to “do the right thing” or following where I have been led, or desiring to meet the expectation of others. All the while the One I’ve been trying to crucify is both Lord and Christ, leader and redeemer.
This Jesus, the One I tried to crucify.

I think of all those that have tried to “help” me crucify Him.

I wonder how many times I helped to crucify the Christ in others.

And for all of us I remember the words of Christ, the One we crucified and still often fail to recognize...

"O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing. Look, your house is left to you desolate. For I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, 'Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord."
Matthew 23:37-39