Lit From Within

Stained Glass, by Bgrace

Then after this he said to the disciples, "Let us go to Judea again." The disciples said to him, "Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and are you going there again?" Jesus answered, "Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him." After saying these things, he said to them, "Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I go to awaken him." The disciples said to him, "Lord, if he has fallen asleep, he will recover." Now Jesus had spoken of his death, but they thought that he meant taking rest in sleep. Then Jesus told them plainly, "Lazarus has died, and for your sake I am glad that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him." So Thomas, called the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, "Let us also go, that we may die with him."

John 11:7-16 (English Standard Version)

I've been slowly working my way through John the last few weeks, and I've found myself lingering a while in John 11. These 10 verses have especially been working on me the last few days. It's interesting that the author placed enough importance on this conversation to even include it, and it might be easy to pass it by, but when we sit with it for a while it raises some very interesting questions.

Jesus had recently been in Judea, where he was in danger of being arrested or even stoned, so his disciples were none too anxious to return there. When they questioned Jesus, He gave them one of those responses that seemed to be answering a different question than the one they were asking.

"Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him."

It seems He is describing them. He's telling the disciples why they cannot understand His reasons for going. It's because they see by the light of the day--like most people--they are dependent upon the sun. That is why when there is less light--like at night-- they stumble around.

Jesus is saying that their ability to see in the day and night is similar to their ability to understand what is going on clearly.

But Jesus doesn't rely on the light of day, nor does His understanding depend on what circumstances might seem to dictate. This is why He knows He is to go to to Judea, to Bethany. Jesus' understanding comes from His connection with the Father. Jesus is lit from within.

It's fairly obvious that the disciples aren't really listening to Jesus.

They aren't hearing him say, "Your stumbling around in the darkness because you aren't lit from within."

They aren't hearing him say, "I'm going to awaken Lazarus."

They aren't hearing him say, "For your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe."

They only hear him say, "But let us go to him."

And the response from Thomas is this: "Let us also go, that we may die with him."

This is what strikes me: They believe in HIM. Enough to follow him. Enough to die for him.

But they still don't believe His words.

They don't believe what He is saying to them. They don't believe what he is saying about Lazarus. They don't hear him because they aren't listening. And they aren't listening because they don't understand. They don't understand, listen, or hear because they are stumbling around in the darkness. They are not lit from within.

This is the next thing that strikes me: Jesus doesn't try to make them hear, or listen, or understand. He waits for what will take place to take it's effect. He waits for His words to come to pass so that they will believe what they couldn't hear, what they should have listened to, and what they didn't understand--because then it will come with belief, not only in Him, but in His words.

It's odd, is it not, to think that they would follow, even to the death, a man who's words they didn't believe?

And yet it isn't so uncommon, is it? How often is our experience the same? How often do we follow Jesus with resignation instead of trusting that even if our understanding of His words is not complete, that not only is He worthy but His words are also worthy of our trust, our faith, our belief?

The problem is this...we are trying to trust His words by evaluating our circumstances with our understanding of what we are going through. We are stumbling around in the dark. No wonder our faith in His words wavers. We can't possibly trust them without the same connection with the Father.

We must be lit from within.

Only then do we have what we need to follow in belief of what He says, regardless of whether or not we are capable of understanding what it means.