Fallen Tree by Alexandre Calame (photo taken at Smithsonian today)
I had a field trip today. Well, it was actually a few hours of play tacked onto a business trip. My Brazilian Passport was ready and for whatever reason it has to be picked up in person at the Brazilian Embassy, so I made my way to DC this morning. Jean had the girls, so I decided to make a day of it and have some alone time. I like to do Art Museums that way. It's easier to absorb the art in solitude. So after I picked up my passport I decided to wing it and try to find the Smithsonian AND a parking garage. Quem tem boca vai a Roma. (It's a Brazilian expression that loosely translated means if you have a mouth you can find your way to Rome.)
Well, I found the nearest parking garage to the Smithsonian, which wasn't actually all that near. Normally this would not have bothered me, but I hurt my Achilles on Monday at my hip hop class and I have to walk without bending it right now. Thus, I have a fairly cumbersome limp. It doesn't hurt that much, so I decided to brave the walk.
When I have times of solitude, I try to center myself with the Lord and let all the chaos and noise fall to the wayside and really try to hear. So on the way down I drove in the quiet and tried to pray a bit. I remember asking the Lord what this time, this season is about right now. Certain symbols tend to characterize time periods for me, a few years ago it was a cross, but for the last couple of months I've been very drawn to fleur de lis. In some ways it has signified for me a period of sanctification. I acknowledged to the Lord that I know this has been a time where He is teaching me discipline. But I also complained a little bit--this whole discipline thing has been so hard for me that I struggle to feel as close to God. There are times when I just don't want to be so disciplined, and it seems like it's not worth it compared to just being with Him. It feels like its always there, reminding me of how much work needs to be done. I thought about the word devoted--I wondered how devotions came to be called that. Probably because if you were truly devoted to God you wanted to BE with Him. I want to be devoted, not feel like I have to "have devotions!" I feel a bit frustrated, because I don't feel like this is coming very easily, and sometimes I struggle to see the point of it.
I tell you this, because as I left the parking garage and began to walk to the Smithsonian, I again tried to quiet my mind and listen to the Lord. I had been trying all day, it was noon and I hadn't heard anything. I was beginning to feel a bit restless--normally on my solitude days God gives me a bit more. But as I began limping along, God finally whispered a thought into my mind. He said, "How does it feel to have a handicap?"
The question hit me right between the eyes. I knew immediately what God was saying. I was slowed down by my limp. I was awkward. It was beginning to be painful. It was hindering me.
Then I felt His tenderness. It was like He was saying, this discipline that you are learning, this process that I'm asking you to go through, learning to die to the flesh, learning to take things out of your life that you don't need, and put into your life things you do need, learning to live with empty spaces--it's so that you can move without hindrances.
I understood God's kindness. It's not because God is requiring me to be some religious zealot. Not because I'm bound by rules and regulations. Exactly the opposite. He's teaching me to be free. He's strengthening me. He's purifying me. And today, He helped me to see the motivating factor behind it all.
I've prayed for God to use me. I've prayed that He would use my life to great effectiveness. In powerful ways. But I've also prayed that God would never give me power without purity and love. I've seen the abuse of it--and I can't stand the thought of it. Those things must come first. And I know that He is answering me. But I need to continue to keep that before my eyes. To focus on the WHY. Lest I forget and think this is about food. Or simple self-denial. Or rules.
Thank you for teaching me Jesus.
Thank you for beautiful paintings.
And the people that paint them.
I had a field trip today. Well, it was actually a few hours of play tacked onto a business trip. My Brazilian Passport was ready and for whatever reason it has to be picked up in person at the Brazilian Embassy, so I made my way to DC this morning. Jean had the girls, so I decided to make a day of it and have some alone time. I like to do Art Museums that way. It's easier to absorb the art in solitude. So after I picked up my passport I decided to wing it and try to find the Smithsonian AND a parking garage. Quem tem boca vai a Roma. (It's a Brazilian expression that loosely translated means if you have a mouth you can find your way to Rome.)
Well, I found the nearest parking garage to the Smithsonian, which wasn't actually all that near. Normally this would not have bothered me, but I hurt my Achilles on Monday at my hip hop class and I have to walk without bending it right now. Thus, I have a fairly cumbersome limp. It doesn't hurt that much, so I decided to brave the walk.
When I have times of solitude, I try to center myself with the Lord and let all the chaos and noise fall to the wayside and really try to hear. So on the way down I drove in the quiet and tried to pray a bit. I remember asking the Lord what this time, this season is about right now. Certain symbols tend to characterize time periods for me, a few years ago it was a cross, but for the last couple of months I've been very drawn to fleur de lis. In some ways it has signified for me a period of sanctification. I acknowledged to the Lord that I know this has been a time where He is teaching me discipline. But I also complained a little bit--this whole discipline thing has been so hard for me that I struggle to feel as close to God. There are times when I just don't want to be so disciplined, and it seems like it's not worth it compared to just being with Him. It feels like its always there, reminding me of how much work needs to be done. I thought about the word devoted--I wondered how devotions came to be called that. Probably because if you were truly devoted to God you wanted to BE with Him. I want to be devoted, not feel like I have to "have devotions!" I feel a bit frustrated, because I don't feel like this is coming very easily, and sometimes I struggle to see the point of it.
I tell you this, because as I left the parking garage and began to walk to the Smithsonian, I again tried to quiet my mind and listen to the Lord. I had been trying all day, it was noon and I hadn't heard anything. I was beginning to feel a bit restless--normally on my solitude days God gives me a bit more. But as I began limping along, God finally whispered a thought into my mind. He said, "How does it feel to have a handicap?"
The question hit me right between the eyes. I knew immediately what God was saying. I was slowed down by my limp. I was awkward. It was beginning to be painful. It was hindering me.
Then I felt His tenderness. It was like He was saying, this discipline that you are learning, this process that I'm asking you to go through, learning to die to the flesh, learning to take things out of your life that you don't need, and put into your life things you do need, learning to live with empty spaces--it's so that you can move without hindrances.
I understood God's kindness. It's not because God is requiring me to be some religious zealot. Not because I'm bound by rules and regulations. Exactly the opposite. He's teaching me to be free. He's strengthening me. He's purifying me. And today, He helped me to see the motivating factor behind it all.
I've prayed for God to use me. I've prayed that He would use my life to great effectiveness. In powerful ways. But I've also prayed that God would never give me power without purity and love. I've seen the abuse of it--and I can't stand the thought of it. Those things must come first. And I know that He is answering me. But I need to continue to keep that before my eyes. To focus on the WHY. Lest I forget and think this is about food. Or simple self-denial. Or rules.
Thank you for teaching me Jesus.
Thank you for beautiful paintings.
And the people that paint them.
1 comment:
I am currently reading a book by Andrew Murray, "Aids to Devotion" not about daily devotions but a life that is completly yeilded to the Spirit. What you have been writing seems to connect to that which I have been reading.
"In the Christian life everthing depends on knowing the Holy Spirit and His blessed work aright...He comes to take the mastery of our whole being, --spirit, soul and body--and through it all to reveal the life and the power of God as it works in our renewed nature."
"The full experience of the Spirit's power rest entirely on our readiness in everything to deny self, in everything to yield ourselves to His teaching and leading...To live the spiritual life nothing less is needed than the entire giving up of the old life to the death, to make room for the blessed Spirit to renew and transform our whole being into the will of God...The "undivided mastery of the Spirit" The Spirit of Christ claims and needs the rule of the whole man if He is to perform His blessed work in us."
I believe Paul states it well in Ephesians 3:14-21. 18...I pray that you may have the power to comprehend...that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Thank you for sharing your "field trips" and all that which God desires to reveal and perform in you.
Blessing, jean
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