I love the shallow crinkles edging your striking blue eyes,
The scatterings of silver through your black-brown hair,
Your thickened shoulders squaring your frame.
I watch you and I wonder when you grew into a man,
Right in front of my face.
I remember when we used to play in the sand
Tossing volleyballs and holding hands.
How we'd drive to anywhere just to be alone
Out to the airfield, shivering in the cold.
Now I see you carry the weight of your day.
Find myself asking, "Where'd the boy go?"
Oh, the smiles that come to me:
You'd act like a dog marking a tree when other guys would look at me.
Or when I'd lock up an argument, seal it airtight.
Wait for you to just try and fight.
"Well, I don't believe you." You'd fain with a grin.
It was so not right. I'm pretty sure it was sin.
I see little old ladies, always sweet on you.
How you hug people longer than anyone should.
Your curiosity with everything you see in the ground,
Examining all the treasures you've found.
The tender ache in your face as your arms surround each of your baby girls;
So possessive, so proud.
I could write a book about covers!
Like how you always have way to many
Even in the hottest of summers.
And you're always trying to put them on me,
Taking such good care, I can hardly breathe!
Oh! How every time you cut your hair
You ask me searchingly if I like it.
As if you'd taken some great dare
Though it hasn't changed since high school.
Or when I forget what I was about to convey
With such coy pertinence you always say,
"That you love me and can't live without me?"
Then your resignation when I assure you
That I do love you, but I could live without you.
And that you would want me to be able to.
Though we can't dance to save our lives,
I love that we get out there and have a great time.
And when I get too serious or low
You pull me out of my shell
Make me laugh at myself, or some stupid show.
Almost makes up for your webbed toes.
(Yes, I'm sure they are beautiful to some alien species that I hope we never know.)
You are so good to me.
You let me warm my feet on your bare skin,
And read you my writings, though you may not understand.
Still you reach for my clammy hands.
Then when you trace the wrinkles on my face,
You assure me you wouldn't want me to be a young girl
When you're a tired, old man.
You tell me you love me and I know it's true.
That I'll never have to guess with you.
Because of all the pain we survived
All that we made it through.
I'll never forget the night
I thought my mind would crack
When I explained how the truth
Just didn't line up with the facts.
You prayed over me
with such humility
Said you'd walk me through
Whatever God revealed to you
You'd be open to the truth.
When my heart just bled and bled
You placed your hand on my chest
And said, "I love you, no matter what."
There were no ifs, no ands, no buts.
I love that we left that hole
In the pantry door you punched through
When people ask why, you don't hide
That you were angry and confused.
And you look at me with sorry eyes
that say, "Better the door than you."
I want to tell you
In a way that's deeply true
Matthew Todd, Gift of God
I love you through and through.
When I look back, it's so hard to believe
We walked it in the truth,
You decided not to leave my side,
Even when there was no proof.
I'm holding on to the good and the hard.
All seventeen years of Valentine Cards.
I know there's still more life to come
So much to do that's yet undone,
I've seen more dreams this side of the sun.
P.S. Happy Birthday
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