Eye of the Needle

Photo from www.catholica.com

I spent some time with a woman named Mary last week. The first time I met Rev.Mary was last year, through a mutual friend. She was leading a very special memorial service. I was there to be an encouragement to a friend. I was told Mary had the gift of prophecy, and I was curious, and also a bit wary. Not that I don’t believe in the gift of prophecy. I believe that today the gift of prophecy does exist in order to bring encouragement, comfort, and strength to others, and often for the purposes of giving confirmation to individuals or communities of what the Lord has already been telling them. Prophets are first and foremost listeners. They listen and hear from God, and then speak when He leads them to. But I was wary because I have learned a few things over the past couple years. First, not everyone who prophecies does so by the Spirit of God—and thus, at best their prophecies can be confused; at worst they can be false. Second, even those who prophecy by the Spirit of God are often not doing so with a pure heart. So what they speak may be coming from their own soul. Third, those who may have this gift are absolutely bound to use it in love. For if it is not used in love it is completely inadequate to give any help. It is, as Paul says in I Cor. 13, “a sounding gong.” Whenever we represent God with our words, we must speak with the voice of our Shepherd. If we don’t, there is evidence of impurity in our own hearts that contaminates our ability to hear what God is saying and thus what we are sharing.
There are a number of things that I evaluate when I determine whether or not to receive a word of prophecy or a prophetic prayer. Again, in John 10, we read that the sheep know the Shepherd’s voice. I, as a sheep, am responsible to my Heavenly Shepherd. So I always ask myself, does what this person say resonate with the Spirit of God in me? If there is a conflict, then I must seek and wait before the Lord until He gives me clarity as to whether the unrest comes from an inability on my part to receive what the Lord is saying, or if the unrest is because the “word” is not from God. It is only when there is a receptiveness in my spirit as it submits to His Spirit that I receive that word.
The second lesson comes from James 3 and 4. It is very simple and yet so often ignored in the church—perhaps because we trust our leaders so much, or perhaps because we are so easily swayed by a good argument instead of evaluating things by God’s methods.
James 3:13-18 says this, “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, thee you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peaceloving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.”
There is so much help as to discerning whether wisdom comes from heaven or not packed in these verses. Here are the things that I think most speak to the topic at hand. First, true wisdom shows itself through humility. Not pride, not arrogance, or condescension, and certainly not contempt. Second, true wisdom comes from the pure in heart—those who are emptied of themselves and their own desires so that they have made room in their souls for God’s desires to come forth in purity. No selfish ambition, pride, partiality, or insincerity taints their words. Their words sow peace because there is nothing contrary to God’s Word or will in their message. And thus what they speak brings forth a harvest. It brings LIFE.
So as I observed Mary interact with those in the memorial service, I watched for those things. I was very moved by the fruit of the Spirit I saw in her. After the memorial service, Mary approached me. She did not know me other than my first name. She didn’t even know the person I came with. But she told me that she had a word for me from the Lord if I would like to receive it. I sensed that the Lord had been preparing me for this and that He wanted me to hear her. Mary recorded the prayer she prayed over me so that I could take it with me. She felt a little sheepish doing so, but I was so glad that she did. Her prayer was over five minutes long, and if you have ever had this type of experience, you understand that the prayer itself is so powerful that your ability to recall the words of it are minimal at best. The Spirit’s work through her prayer was very powerful, almost overwhelming. And if a prayer is truly is a word of prophecy about your life the words are priceless treasures. So I am very glad to have a record of her words so that I can go back to them.
At that time, Mary’s prayer was used by God to do an enormous work of healing in my spirit, and God spoke of some special things through her about my life. It was a very precious time. But though I had many questions I sensed that the Lord did not want me to initiate any more contact with her. I saw her once more a few months later with a group of people, and sensed that at some point we would speak again, but there was a stay on my spirit…until two weeks ago.
It was interesting when I called her. She had been waiting for me. I tried to warn her that my journey was a bit unusual, but she reassured me that when the Holy Spirit introduces you to someone it is different. She shared with me some of the things that the Lord had revealed to her about my calling and asked me if I sensed the same things from the Lord and I told her yes. So we met.
It was a very interesting time. We spoke for a number of hours, and then Mary prayed over me for over an hour. I’ve never had an experience quite like it. During Mary’s prayer she started explaining a picture the Lord was giving her about my journey. It was of a period of being brought very low to the ground, a great humbling. Like a camel stooping down to get though an opening. “Petra,” she said. Then it came together for her. “The camel going through the eye of the needle,” she said. It’s an actual place called Petra. She said, “The last four years have been a time of terrible suffering for you. A great humbling period. It’s been like Auschwitz for you. Many people died there, but some survived. You will survive this time. You kept getting beaten down time after time, blown apart like with landmines, and when you would receive the wounds the Lord would heal you up, and then you would be wounded again, and the Lord would keep healing you. It is almost impossible for the camel to go through the eye of the needle, but nothing is impossible with God." The sobs racked my body as the truth of her words touched my spirit. And I felt more affirmed in my journey with that one metaphor than in all of the words that I have heard over the last four years…simply because she nailed it. No…the Spirit of God did, and He wanted me to know that He knows. And that in itself was what I needed. No one could possibly understand the past four years of my life but Him. Then Mary said something that blew me away. She spoke very matter of factly, “The Lord says in five days it will be over.” That was a bit much for me and I broke her prayer off momentarily to clarify… “You mean five literal days?” “Yep,” she said without any hesitation. I couldn’t even compute. Seriously. I mean, when you go through a spiritual concentration camp for four years, and suddenly you get your walking papers and in five days you get to turn your back on the gates of such intense torture…it doesn’t really seem real. Or believable. Would something major happen to end that period, or would it simply fade into the past? “Who will I be without it?” I thought to myself. "What will my life be like?"
That was 6 days ago.
Today, I took out my Bible, and found Matthew 19.
Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth. Then Jesus said to his disciples, "I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and asked, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible. Peter answered him, "We have left everything to follow you! What then will there be for us?" Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life .But many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first." (Matt. 19:21-30)
Some time, many years ago, I had highlighted verses 21 and 26 and written a note beside it. “Only God can enable us to love Him more than what we treasure here.”
As I think about God’s call on my life, and how necessary that will be, I understand a little as to why I have had to go through the eye of the needle. And I am grateful, honored even. I understand that our suffering, when born in submission to Christ, is our glory. Even when we don’t suffer perfectly. It is through suffering that we are perfected. I don’t know how things will go from here, or what more suffering and humbling will be necessary. But I do know this, God has done the impossible in my life, and whether His work comes through pain or joy, He is enabling me to love Him more than any earthly treasures, and He who began a good work in me, will be faithful to complete it.
Maybe I’ll say some more soon about Matthew 19. About how humility and power must go hand in hand. About purity of heart—how desiring what God desires above all that we desire is a necessary element to living the life of the Kingdom. About why God asks us to leave all else before we can truly follow. But I need some more time to pull those threads together in my thinking.
In closing, my thoughts turn to many people who have walked a mile or so with me in my journey…and tonight none more so than my brother, my Peter, who has shared my sufferings more than most, and much more than that his own--mostly in silence. Your suffering—your unanswered questions and your loyalty to Christ in the midst of all the storms—it too is your glory, my friend. Though no one else knows, HE does.