Left To Tell

Immaculee Ilibagiza

This past Thursday evening I went to see Immaculee speak. I happened upon the event in the Saturday evening paper--which I have never ever read, but for whatever reason decided to page through last week. She had been invited to F&M as part of a Defense of the Faith series. I decided to attend the mass that was held beforehand as well.

It was an interesting evening. Her story is quite moving. She wrote a book called Left to Tell, which became a NY Times Best Seller, about how she survived the Rwandan genocide by hiding for 3 months in the 3 by 4 ft. bathroom of a Protestant Hutu Pastor with 7 other women. She came out,weighing 65 pounds, to find that almost every member of her immediate family had been murdered, and a million people in her tiny country were killed in a matter of days by people who had hours before been their neighbors and friends--just because they were Tutsi's.

What she went through--the violence, the pain, the outrage, the sense of desperation, confusion, and fear--what the Rwandan people went through I cannot even imagine how horrible it was. And yet as she talked about how the Lord brought her to the point of forgiveness I found her journey very accessible. She described how she would pray the Lord's prayer, but for a while wanted to skip over the phrase, "as we forgive them who have trespassed against us." The Lord eventually impressed upon her that it was important that she not leave that out. She described the battle she went through between forgiveness and revenge. When finally she made the choice to forgive she shared the enormous freedom and release she experienced. Some time later, she was able to meet the man who killed her parents, and she offered him forgiveness. The weight of what she was choosing to forgive is momentous compared to what we might encounter in our own personal experiences, but it is the same process we all must go through. When Immaculee says, "If I can forgive, you can forgive too," it is an impressive challenge.

Immaculee talked much about her spiritual journey. There is no question in my mind that God has made himself known to her and done many miracles in her life. Not only keeping her hidden, and keeping her alive, but also through the process of giving her a place to live, a place to work (at the UN), bringing her to the US, publishing her book, and giving her a platform to speak about the power and beauty of forgiveness.

Immaculee credits much of her journey to prayer. She spoke about her many hours of prayer, and I found that some of her experiences rang true to my own journey. She described finding a wonderful safe place in prayer from all the darkness and evil and oppression that attacked her. It sounded very much to me like what I have experienced in terms of discovering the Sanctuary. And she also described being directed by God to do certain things and go certain places...for example, how she met the author who helped her to publish her story. That type of leading seemed familiar to me as well. She talked with such love about Jesus and the importance and power of prayer and fasting. It resonated very deeply with my own similar experiences.

But Immaculee has many spiritual experiences that I don't share. She is deeply committed to Mary and praying to her. She has experienced Mary speaking to Rwandans through a visionary (I think that would be our understanding of a prophet.) The Catholic Church has given it's approval that this appearance is genuine. (You can read more about it through the link above.) Immaculee is very dedicated to praying the Rosary and believes much in its power. She is very committed to the Catholic church.

So that raises some questions for me. If I believe her experiences are genuine, how do I reconcile the differences in our theology? What is the truth about it all?

I think back to last November when I was at Pendle Hill. I had a conversation with Ken about the Quakers and how many of them were searching for God and truth and love and yet not receiving the Gospel message. He quoted someone, I can't remember who right now, who said, "There are many roads to God, but on every one there is an encounter with the Living Christ." That same weekend I was introduced to a woman sitting across the table from me who was a teacher in residence at Pendle Hill. She happened to be writing a book about Joan of Arc. We talked for some time, and she made a comment in passing that I thought was very interesting. She said that Joan's understanding of God's voice speaking to her was manifested through what Joan perceived to be St. Catherine. Does God speak or appear to people in ways that are more helpful for them to receive Him because of their life experiences? Like a burning bush, an angel, a donkey, a man? What about when people thought John and Jesus were Elijah? I find it interesting, after reading more about Joan's life and faith, that though she heard heavenly voices of the Saints, she still seemed to be closely connected in prayer to Christ, especially towards the end of her life. It was to Jesus she cried out to when she was on the stake.

And quite frankly, though this rubs against much of the theology I was brought up with, I think that what Immaculee and Joan experienced really was a manifestation of God. But I don't claim to understand that. I don't know if it was Mary or St. Catherine that spoke to them or appeared to them. It is possible. But maybe that was just the form that God presented Himself to in their understanding.

I KNOW....that's so over the top for some of you. I'm not saying it is so, just that I believe it is possible. Or maybe there is just so much more that we don't understand yet. I'm tired of throwing out overwhelming evidences of God's work and movement in and through people just because it doesn't fit with my understanding of Him.

And though I believe very strongly that the Lord has taught me very intentionally through Joan, and led me to hear Immaculee's experiences, and though I have gained a sense that God is very present in the Catholic Church...I don't have any desire or sense that I am to become a Catholic. But I am learning from them. Much in the same way that I understand why I am at the church I am at right now. I have always known that I don't belong there, that I am passing through. I know that I am there to learn and receive certain things, and perhaps to be a blessing in return...but it is not my home.

And while I'm in passing, I want to learn from Immaculee and Joan, from "the Charismatics," from Quaker Ken, even from Rodger and Jean, my Mormon friends. I am not unaware of the dangers, and I understand that we must worship in spirit AND in truth. But as I become aware of those things my religious tradition shares with other traditions, I realize that one thing we share is a blindness to the darkness in our midst, and an unawareness of the light outside of us. Do we really believe God doesn't show up at other churches? Or only certain ones? And do we really think that He comes to us because we have the right answers? We all have a mixture of truth and untruth and of sight and blindness. By His grace and in his ways He appears to us all. How and where and why I'm convinced more and more is up to Him, but I believe He comes through every opening to be found. And I'm experiencing the joy,the challenge, and the growth that the openness of learning from others, with Jesus by my side as Teacher, and the Holy Spirit as Counselor, can bring.